Do we just not have time to grieve anymore?
Not expressing how we feel and holding in our grief affects our wellbeing, jobs, relationships and life.
In today’s world, everyone busy- work, social life, family, social media, events.. the to do list is endless!
Ask anyone you haven’t seen in a while how they’ve been and they’re likely to answer, “okay, busy!”. This isn’t surprising to hear, but something that I didn’t expect in the midst of our very busy lives is how many people who have recently suffered a loss are just too busy to grieve.
Let’s face it, we all have bills, responsibilities and commitments so, for some, taking the time to grieve and heal, to find support may feel like a luxury. Not only from a financial perspective, but also time- they have so much to keep up with.
With life moving so fast and so many things to do, and in a lot of cases, so many people to take care of, do we really give ourselves the chance and time we need to grieve?
There are many reasons we may not allow ourselves time to grieve- and they may not always be what you’d think. Work, responsibilities, being a parent, avoidance, lack of awareness and not realising we need support, sometimes even stubbornness.
We all need to ask ourselves, (and answer honestly!) is it actually about not having the time, space, money or is it a case of not making the time? Some find it easier to throw themselves into a project, to the kids, to work.. as it is “easier” than facing the grief and the emotions that come up. I’m sure “easy” is the last word most people who have experienced a loss would use, but let’s reflect on that. If we are always moving, always busy, and always worried about everyone and everything else, then there just isn’t time to think about our self, our own needs, our emotions or our pain.
I recognise this dilemma all too well. When I suffered my own loss in life, the loss of a baby, the loss of a parent, the loss of a marriage. The loss of dreams, hopes and a part of me. Grief is both real and measurable, Scientists now know that loss changes us forever. Whether its the death of a parent, or a child- it is one of the most emotional and universal human experiences. Yet, loss is something that we all inevitably face at some point in our lives.
However, ungrieved losses takes it toll on our hearts and can make us feel disconnected from life. We think we can avoid it by being busy but over time, we shut down our emotions, little by little until we are so out of alignment with ourselves, that in some cases we don’t even recognise ourselves anymore.
It’s important to recognise our own needs, asking our self what we really need and recognise how important self care is. Often people suggest grievers eat well, go for walks, get rest, have a cup of tea. Of course, the act of self care itself (whatever it is) can be pleasant in itself, but these quiet activities allow for just that: PEACE and QUIET -and a time to reflect and take that inner journey to allow us to sit with our emotions and heal. It’s something every griever needs, but the busy griever just doesn’t seem to get enough of.