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Are judgmental ways hurting your dating life?

Forming opinions about people prior to actually meeting them. What that's doing to your romantic life, and how to move past it.

Accepting each other
Accepting each other

We all would like to think that we’re open-minded, well-rounded and completely non-judgmental individuals…  Unfortunately for most of us that’s just not the case.  Everyone has judged and sized up others from time to time whether we’d like to admit it or not; it’s only natural to jump to conclusions and assume something about another person especially if it’s a stranger. But when it comes to dating and finding a partner in life being judge-mental can be extremely detrimental to a new relationship, not to mention to your own well-being and mental state. Having been in the business of matching people together as long as I have been, I see it happen all the time with men and women alike. Sometimes before I can even finish telling the woman about a man I’m matching her up with, she starts to have doubts about his profession or age of his children, or his height, or other criteria. Men do it too, mainly with women’s weight and her physical attributes. Now, that’s no way to be open and seeing what’s out there. How can anyone expect to ever meet a partner in life, or have a date at all if they constantly pre-judging someone before they even meet them? Just because you’ve had a bad experience with an attorney or someone’s ex was a nightmare, doesn’t mean that every attorney is that way, or every ex is a terrible person. It’s stereotyping, but in the dating arena: he is an accountant so he must be boring; she is approaching forty and never married so there must be something wrong with her, and on and on…

All of these judgmental behaviors are unnecessary and usually have no merit. There are accountants with tattoos underneath their boring suits, and a very exciting night life.  And yes I’ve also known the stereotypical quiet, soft-spoken and anal retentive accountants as well as everything in between. It just goes to show that we are not all what the stereotypes make us out to be; and why going by generalizations rather than individualistic qualities about each person is extremely damaging in the beginning of any relationship.  More than anything I want to encourage anyone who is single and either just starting to date or been dating a while, to think about all the preconceived notions you may have each time meeting someone new.  Are you judging them before you’ve had a chance to truly get to know them?  Are you going into a relationship assuming you know what kind of person he or she is because they identify with the opposite political party as yourself?  Is their lack of formal education making them seem beneath you?  Are all of your expectations making you happy and capable of finding a long-lasting relationship?  If no, maybe it’s time to drop the judgmental attitude and expectations and just go with it. See what develops without all the judging and assessing, give the other person a chance before you decide what kind of person they are. Let time and a positive outlook on your new relationship be the only things that fuel your mind, not judgments and generalizations.

So get out there with an open mind and enjoy every relationship along the way, whether it’s a romantic one or just a good friendship because you never know who they might introduce you to. It might just be your future partner! You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve seen it happen, which is another reason to be considerate on the first date, not cutting it short just because you don’t feel chemistry. It shows your character, and you want that person to walk away thinking what an amazing person you are, giving them a reason to want to introduce you to their friends or colleagues and who knows where that might lead to…

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