Community//

Anchors of Courage after a Miscarriage

A miscarriage is every woman's nightmare.

The void feeling of loss following a miscarriage is more excruciating than the necessary medical or natural procedures. A motherhood that’s cut short is nothing but a bitter pill to swallow. One can only imagine the surge of emotions that comes in waves, paralyzing every woman coping with the heartbreak. Explaining to expectant spectators about the unfortunate event is agonizing. A solid support and encouragement from your family and friends can undoubtedly help with the healing. But to completely move on takes the grieving mother’s firm decision.

I know I’m not the only one. I’ve heard stories from other women from all walks of life, and to our dismay, miscarriages are common. Grieving over a lost loved one is not new. I lost my father at the age of 18. But this time, it’s different. However, with prayer, contemplation, counsel and the company of friends and loved ones, the dark, gloomy sky eventually cleared. Then, life-long lessons from the experience serve as my anchors in facing the incident and the future courageously.

Health is a determiner of the success of our endeavors.

People around me didn’t blame me for everything, I know deep inside that my not being in good shape took its toll on my baby. After that painful event, it made me value health even more. The things I learned from health videos, from my doctors and friends who have similar experiences are priceless, although I would consider it as “learning the hard way.” I don’t want to lose another one, so I’ve made radical lifestyle changes to ensure a successful attempt the next time around. We can never control the turn of events in the future but we can predict and get ready for anything to the best of our capacity. Being in good shape should be everybody’s goal, for taking good care of ourselves leads to zero regrets.

Love is a verb, not a noun.

During my pregnancy, I’ve seen the love of my husband for me taken to a whole new level. The cravings were real, so were his patience and determination. The days following the miscarriage, he was my rock. At first, I thought he was too objective in life to even grieve. However, he’d kept on saying that one of us should be the stronger one. Whenever I had emotional meltdowns, his constant assurance of a much bigger heart and understanding worked wonders.

Self-love was the hardest love to give at that time. It took me time to learn to warm up to myself again. I felt like a complete failure. I was afraid to get pregnant again. It was such a horrible first-time experience. This went on and other people just listened to my rants, until one of them had the courage to scold me.

The best experience in life is to know that you’re loved, and you’re in no position to deprive that to others. Most especially to the children God plans to give you. And if you wish to have a successful pregnancy, love yourself.

These words struck me like lightning. I loved the child and will always do. And it’s with this love that I was forced to move forward.

Life is not moved by your circumstance.

This sounds depressing but it’s the truth. Life must go on. There’s no end to life, only the end of you. It’s futile to harbor bitterness towards other women bearing children so smoothly. You can cry out for injustice all you want. Still, it won’t change the fact that pregnancy is not meant for you. It’s pointless to withdraw from the world just because you feel that it doesn’t care about what happened to you.

Seeing how ruthless life is, I instantly recall one of Morrie Schwartz’s quotes from Tuesdays with Morrie. It says, “Death ends a life, not a relationship.” Contemplative as I am, I paused for a while, meditated on the line and embraced the truth that I’m not the only one. Thus, I have to push myself forward.

The miscarriage may have cut my baby’s life short but it will never erase the fact that I became a mother. We may have lost our child but we will never forget the joy it brought to our life. We may have failed the first time but it doesn’t mean we would never succeed if we try again.

There’s beauty in every experience if we’ll just try to
look at it.

If there’s anything beautiful in this experience, I think that’s learning to be appreciative of what we have now and learning to let go and trust in the power of Life.

We tend to overlook the blessings that surround us, only to learn their significance when they’re gone. I remember being so downcast because of my failed pregnancy as if I’ve lost my sense of meaning and purpose. I almost forgot how blessed I was to be surrounded by amazing people. That I still have dreams to pursue and that I still have a role to play in this world.

In time, I was able to bounce back and see things clearly. I’ve learned to let go of the things I can never control and focus on the things I can manage. When a miscarriage befalls on an enthusiastic family, it’s downright traumatizing. Once could already cause so much pain, let alone multiple occurrences. Still, I refuse to give up hope.

Resilience is essential to go on with life despite the setbacks. How and what we learn from these differ, just as our pace and approach when faced with a challenge also differ. However, the experience of others could be a source of practical insights and inspiration to keep us going, just like what listening to others taught me. If you’re someone who has undergone a miscarriage or perhaps someone close to your heart, I hope this article could help sort things out and find their own anchors to keep them from drifting farther away.

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