(This post was originally written as I moved across the country from Erie, PA to San Diego, CA – but I find myself going back to it so often lately with COVID. I hope it serves you in this wild time, and I would love to connect! My profile has all of the socials <3 )
Welcome back, my Overfunctioning loves! How are you feeling as you become more aware of the impact of your Overfunctioning? If you’re new to this series, you can find Part 1 and Part 2 on the blog. Take a look at those first, so that this topic makes more sense. If you’re all caught up, welcome back. I’m so excited to dive into today’s topic with you! Recovery from Overfunctioning: Is it possible? What does it mean? Why do you want it? In short form, this is what recovery looks like….
- Your best friend is in crisis, and you’re not trying to fix it. You can be there, listen, and trust that inner knowing that things WILL work out in the end. You’re able to actually see and hear your friend, which is how they know they’re not alone in their struggle.
- You sense an imminent crisis at work. You’ve done everything you can do, and instead of feeling anxiety, guilt or anger – you are calm and open to a different perspective on what’s happening. You know you’ll know your next action when it’s meant to be taken.
- You disagree with your partner on an issue, and it’s making you feel vulnerable and frustrated. Instead of stuffing it down and pretending like everything is fine, you allow yourself to feel frustrated and at the same time you don’t take it out on your partner. You take the quiet time, the walk outside, or the meditation and contemplation you need to process your feelings so you can move past the disagreement even closer to your partner.
Does recovery look like a perfect life every day – Nope. Does it look like fulfilling relationships, friends and family invested in your success, and a huge does of adventure – YEP. And that is my kind of balance! I’ve recently moved across the US, and honestly my overfunctioner was just bracing herself and getting ready to jump into action. Between not wanting to upset my community in Erie, not wanting to inconvenience my husband, and trying to think of ALL THE THINGS for the move…she was sure she could handle it all. However, my wiser self knew 1) this is a vulnerable time, 2) it’s a MESSY time – in every way, and 3) I would feel broken, but no one would die. It has been one of many big tests in my recovery, and to be honest it’s still in process. However, I can share some of the results. I’ve met some amazing people in my new neighborhood, and magically have 4-5 neighbors that have given us the warmest welcome! My clients have showed up, supported us, and reminded me to stay grounded when I try to overcommit (old habits die hard…). My husband has showed up for me 100%. We are both in Overfunctioner Recovery, so having him by my side to remind me of my truth is just the nudge I need to take that quiet time or carve out space for my sanity. Have there been emotional and frustrating moments? Yep. Do I feel like myself most of the time? Yes. And that is success, my friend. Also, I haven’t gotten sick! What?? Unheard of in a move (knocking on wood right now). Recovery can be as simple as giving yourself more space than you *think* you need, and then assessing as you go to see if that is enough. Ultimately, this is a commitment to you and those you love – to not burn the candle at both ends, to not risk getting sick because you’re so overrun, and to have the energy to fully show up for those relationships you care about in your life. Book an hour in between appointments. Give yourself extra time to stop for a tea on your way to pick up your kids. Honor your body by going for a walk around the park before they get out of school. These are real life examples of recovering overfunctioners who are taking their lives back from that hard driving little voice in our heads. Resources, because recovery is a journey and sometimes we need to call in extra help. These are some of my go-to teachers on navigating the push and pull of doing all of the things in the world we feel called to do AND being able to show up fully at every moment. These teachers each have huge archives of blogs and podcasts for you to choose from. I’ve got a starting place for you, but please don’t stop there! The more you can surround yourself with messages that support a balanced, rested and present you – the farther you will get with your recovery.
- Tim Ferriss: Overcoming, Managing, and Using Fear (Tim Ferriss Show Podcast)
- Kate Northrup: Have More by Doing Less Guide
- Marie Forleo: How to say No (19 actual scripts – this is genius!)
- Jonathan Fields: Make Better Decisions Faster (Good Life Project Podcast)
I hope this series has served you! If you’re just tuning in, make sure to start here with the first post in the series and then read the second post about the #1 Hidden Barrier to the Life We Desire. I will continue to weave this work into everything I do, because if you aren’t able to show up as your best self – you also aren’t able to contribute in your fullest capacity!