Imagine getting married and ready to start a life with the person of your dreams but once the “I do’s” are exchanged you begin living a cycle of insane up downs you can’t quite wrap your head around it. Fear of the person begins to plague you as you feel like you are dealing with Jekyll and Hyde, all your positive energy feels sucked away, walking on eggshells becomes your life, you can’t keep up with the changing rules, you are noticing patterns of lies and manipulations but anytime you try to communicate any of this… the blame is turned back on you. It feels like you are the only one that sees them without their mask. It can make you feel like you’re going insane with confusion.
Then you find out about Narcissist Personality Disorder, if you’re lucky, and after you educate and dissect the disorder you begin to plan your escape. This is when you feel more alone than ever because, since you still can barely get your own head around the idea that you married someone with NPD, you have no idea on how to explain the disorder and abuse to close friends and family; But you might be one of the luckier ones… you can find a way out. You have to. It won’t be easy but at least it’s not your parent? Relative? Child? You can finally take back your life and have control while setting boundaries if you have children together.
“Often people know there is something wrong in their relationship,” Ally, from Ally’s Movement, shares, “But they don’t understand they are a victim of narcissistic abuse. It can be really confusing.”
Narcissist abuse affects millions of people world wide and for the survivors it is a long road ahead to discovery, admitting, grieving and healing.
What does this have to do with Ally?
Well, Ally is not only a survivor herself but she’s a family support worker in Children Protection Services and she’s worried for the safety, mental and emotional health of children affected by narcissistic abuse. Ally, a mom of three children, is a staunch believer in truth and accountability trying to provide children with the best upbringing as possible.
“This isn’t about me,” she explains “It’s for all those who have been affected in some way, either through a parent, a spouse or a professional level. It’s about getting everyone on the same page.”
With rising information, textbook diagnosis, YouTube educational and support videos and podcast you’d wonder how anyone could miss the true definition of what narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is; But it still flies ghostly and when the stigma of the word “Narcissist” is thrown around lightly it can cause survivors to involuntarily flinch. Education is key when dealing with narcissistic abuse because you will need to recognize behavioral patterns.
“It’s a silent illness,” Ally explains on a local UK radio show, Riviera FM, the Torbay Radio Show, “And we need to do something about it.”
Torbay counters Ally by agreeing, “There are alot of abuse cases that are in the media, in the papers on the news, that sort of thing but obviously there are ten fold, hundred fold more.”
It is the ten fold and hundred fold more that Ally is trying to give a voice to with the hashtag #DoneLivingInFear She is not only a survivor of (NPD) sexual abuse as a child but also touched by other narcissistic abuse in her adult life. She wants people to know she understands and she is mindful of others needs and passionate about listening to other people’s stories.
The hashtag is a powerful one as it isn’t far off from the words Evan Rachel Woods spoke after naming her abuser, textbook definition of NPD, Marylin Manson. “I’m done living in fear,” Evan Rachel Woods announced to the world, “of retaliation, slander or blackmail. I’m here to expose this dangerous man and call out the many industries that have enabled him, before he ruins more lives.”
Though Ally isn’t famous like Evan Rachel Woods, her message is just as powerful. She has an authenticity to really want to make a difference in educating and opening awareness that narcissistic abuse needs to receive. Rather if it’s physical, emotional, sexual or financial abuse all these types of abuse have one thing in common… dealing with someone with a cluster B personality disorder that has textbook NPD.
“Most narcissists don’t even recognize themselves (as having narcissistic personality disorder),” she explains while agreeing with Sam Vankin’s, a self proclaimed narcissist, YouTube channel, “They don’t know why they think the way they do or why they don’t feel like other people.” However one of the biggest flaws in trying to get someone to admit they have NPD? “They never think there is anything wrong with them, unfortunately.” Ally admits.
Ally is calling her movement OurLife2021 and has opened social media sites on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to spread helpful information on NPD and healing. She also has begun recording some Youtube videos explaining what her movement is about in hopes to educate people further on narcissistic abuse.
Ally encourages everyone who has a narcissist in their life to find support groups, there are some great ones online, and band together with other people that understand what you are going through.
How can you help in the fight?
You can start spreading awareness, share your stories, and posting empowering pictures on your platforms with the #DoneLivingInFear hashtag.
Ally says, “It’s so big and we just don’t realize how enormous this subject is.” She is hoping if an abundance of people will join the movement it will cause mental health teams, judges, law enforcement and children protection services to rise together to form extensive laws on protecting the abused. Without the knowledge and proper education on narcissistic abuse, manipulation from the abusers will continue to put other people at risk, including children. “It’s about recognizing what the behaviors are.” Ally concludes.
To read more about Ally’s movement and narcissistic abuse click here.