Community//

All That Glitters Isn’t Gold

Two celebrity deaths a year ago this week had me thinking about this concept

Many women are looking for role models. They aspire to be better – more confident, a better girlfriend, a more loving wife, a more attractive dater, happier, more stylish or all of the above.

Role models can help you achieve goals faster.

A problem arises when you start obsessing about how badly you want someone else’s life. Role models can do more harm than good if you allow another person to make you feel bad about yourself.

Remember, when it comes to the Internet and the outer world, you’re comparing your insides to someone else’s outsides. That’s just not a fair comparison. It’s not fair to you to compare yourself to someone’s carefully crafted outer image. 

As a dating coach, I sometimes dissect celebrity and other high-profile relationships to help women spot healthy courtships and marriages.

I’m all for role models, because they can inspire you and can give you goals to strive for. Good role models can inject you with excitement that motivates you to work toward a goal.

However, be careful not to let a celebrity or other role model bring you down. You have no idea what’s going on underneath. Your role model may appear to have it all, yet it may be an outer show. She may be showcasing for the world.

Two suicides – one year ago this week – in the NYC celebrity world had me thinking about this a great deal.

Kate Spade seemed to have it all on the surface – a successful handbag line in NYC, a marriage to a best friend, a daughter, all the trappings of a wealthy NYC life – yet she was still very unhappy and committed suicide.

Celebrity chief Anthony Bourdain died as well of suicide. He seemed to have the career – filled with food, travel, and culture – and a NYC lifestyle that many would envy. Yet, he had his demons.

So moral of the story is that it’s OK to have idols and role models. It’s OK to aspire to something better, grander, and to have and want to achieve certain goals. But try to never let other people’s perceived success make you feel bad. 

​Use their success to inspire and motivate you, but don’t let it get you down! 

You’re more successful in many ways than you can imagine.

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