If you want to raise a child who is caring, organized, goal-oriented, and successful, you must provide a stable environment in which he can experience a childhood filled with both love and bonding experiences.
A well-bonded child is secure and does better at everything. If raised in a stable environment, your child will have less anxiety and a higher threshold of security. Therefore, your child will approach everything with a stronger sense of self… and a strong central core. As a result, he will learn to depend on his own resources and capacities, which allows him to be independent and self-actualized.
A child who experiences instability at an early stage of development is under stress. Neuroscience tells us, that when a child is stressed from consistent poverty, abuse, divorce, or insecurity, he overproduces the stress hormone cortisol. Then, cortisol baths his brain, changing both brain architecture and impulse control.
Such stressors, in a child’s life, can lead to unintended consequences, including behavior problems, academic problems, social problems, problems with substance abuse and impulse control. Often a child, experiencing undue stress, will present regressive behavior and changes in eating, sleeping, school performance, relationships, and motivation.
Overproducing cortisol can have not only a neurological impact on your child’s brain, but also his body. Therefore, stress can be a central cause for both emotional and physical illness, impacting your child’s overall health, school attendance and school performance.
In fact, stress can be directly correlated to the onset of sickness, including anxiety-related sicknesses, such as stomach aches, headaches, regressive behavior, nail-biting, bed-wetting and hair-pulling, as well as frequent colds, viruses, and so on. Recent studies indicate that stress affects the immunities in the body by lowering antigen levels and lymphocytes. Furthermore, your child is more vulnerable to compromised immunities, as he lacks the coping skills to deal with stress and pressure.
How do you provide a stable environment for your child?
Bonding is the central component to a healthy child. Next, is a structured routine, which your child can count on, so that he knows what to expect. And be careful to give ample time and preparation when shifting activities, so that your child’s expectations are both anticipated and met. Most importantly, be consistent in both your discipline style and follow-through.
Finally, work together with your mate as a team. Never allow you or mate to be split emotionally by your child, but rather create a family identity; making your child feel that he belongs… that he is part of a family team, loved, valued, validated, and seen. This goes a long way to building self-esteem and a strong sense of self.
In the end, by using my empathic process you will create a safe space in which your child can express himself, without defense, while investing him in the consequences for his actions. My empathic process will not only help develop good communication skills, but also empathy for each member of your family. This is how you build a healthy individuated child who can cope with stress or pressure within his family of origin.