The tragic news of the passing of NBA Legend, Kobe Bryant brought back memories of my husband’s passing several years ago. I was in a similar situation to Vanessa Bryant – experiencing a sudden, unexpected tragic loss that is incomprehensible, and 8 weeks after my second child was born, I was burying my husband. As I stated in an article, “when you’re told that your husband is dead, everything changes in an instant. Life as you know it will never be the same. It can be reinvented, reshaped into something different — but its never the same”.
There are no words that can express the extent of that kind of pain. As someone who has been in a similar circumstance, with very young kids in the midst of a tragedy (I had an 8 week old and a 3 year old), I can only offer a path to healing for those going through this kind of devastating loss. Here are 5 Steps to take to begin healing:
Exercise Extreme Self-Care
I remember they day my husband died and the days following – my family members needed to start screening the phone calls. They were simply too much. Everyone wanted to answers and in those early days while an investigative team was being pulled together (a team of international pathologists and coroners) – I didn’t have many answers to give. The situation became all too distressing because everyone wanted answers and there were none available. At this point, only extreme self care works. Its the kind of self-care that calls for a bit of isolation to process the events and to regain composure. It calls for the type of self-care that emphasizes deep breathing and dealing with the numbness and pain. Don’t worry about the phone calls, social media requests and emails – those can get dealt with over time.
Don’t be Afraid to Say “No”
In the early days after my husband’s death – I had to learn to say “no”. No to the demands of society, no the many demands for answers. As I state in my new book Holistic Wealth: 32 Life Lessons To Help Find Purpose, Prosperity and Happiness:
“The word no is like an asset in a metaphorical bank account where our life’s energy is the holding. Use it to save, and use it to earn a greater sense of yourself, what’s important to you, and where you want to spend your time and energy. This may mean saying no in a wide range of situations. Saying no to requests that are out of scope with this vision or could endanger your physical, mental, or even your financial health is important“.
Do the Things that Really Matter to You and Bring You Meaning
In the early days of a loss it will be about honoring your loved one with your children and other close family members. Its all about embracing microsteps and maintaining an overall sense of calm. Microsteps will allow you to take the bigger steps that are needed later in the process. Microsteps will fill your holistic wealth bank account with the energy stores you need in the months ahead.
Embrace a Mindset for Healing – The Holistic Wealth Method
The “Holistic Wealth Method” is a framework I developed for assessing your actions and decisions on a daily basis. In applying the Holistic Wealth Method ask yourself: Will this decision be a withdrawal from or a deposit to my holistic wealth bank account? Approaching life with a holistic wealth mindset means approaching life mindfully and with the realization that each decision and each action represents a withdrawal from or deposit to that holistic wealth bank account. Repeated withdrawals from the holistic wealth bank account will lead to bankruptcy.
The Holistic Wealth Method can be applied in everyday situations regarding a range of daily decisions. For example, in assessing if a decision will add to your holistic wealth bank account, think about the vision of your life going forward and what you truly want for yourself in this moment.
Mindfulness, Prayer and Meditation Helps
Moments of pause and reflection will help with dealing with the myriad of decisions that are needed in those first few days and weeks after a loss. It is unique to each person and is most effective when it also honors the life of a loved one. Grief is the expression of love lost. The depth of grief – is an expression of the depth of love involved. However, we choose to embrace meditation, prayer and mindfulness, what is important is that it is done with a process that is as unique as we all are.
For more information visit www.keishablair.com.
This article contains excerpts from Holistic Wealth: 32 Life Lessons To Help You Find Purpose, Prosperity and Happiness [email protected] Keisha Blair.