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A Page From The Depression Diary

A glimpse into a struggling mind

Courtesy- www.pixabay.com

5th May 2015 10:00 am

I am feeling terrible as I write these words. The day seems worse than ever before. Nothing productive, nothing special. Same old story-I wake-up, brush my teeth, sit down to do my work, nothing works out, slam shut my laptop, scroll down furiously through my Facebook, Twitter, Instagram feed, send messages with fake smileys at the end (I hardly feel like smiling then. I don’t know why I even send them to my friends), eat my food, sleep and then the cycle repeats. Meanwhile, I also quarrel with few, scorn and grumble at many. How can they behave so insensitively with me? The world needs to know I am having a bad day. So, how can you ask me to chill and come with you to have fun outside when my life is giving me a tough time within? No one understands me, I don’t understand myself. Everyone wants to push me behind and race away in the competition. I will show these morons who I am actually? Oh, god! What is happening? I am a total disaster!

5th May, 6:00 pm

I am writing while I sip lemonade while watching the sunset. My mother made me the lemonade. She is so nice! She knows what I love and the sunset – that is so beautiful as well. A ball of orange that seems to be floating halfway in the azure skies, spreading orange color all over and mixing with the blue hue. Everything looks beautiful.

Maybe life is also not that bad. Today, I woke up at 6 am without the help of an alarm clock. Isn’t that great? So, I went for a morning walk of one hour just as Dr. Marsh had advised me a week ago when I visited him. This will help me shed some weight. On my way to the park, I caught up with my childhood friend, Andy after a long time. He still remembered me. We had enjoyed a good time over a cup of freshly brewed coffee. Then I came back and found that my mother had prepared my favorite dish. Even at work, my boss did not find any mistake in my work. The day was ordinary but was peaceful, nevertheless. My friend, Damien got promoted. He is a hard-working guy. How could be not get promoted? He asked me to come over to his place for the promotion party. But I said no to him. When will I get promoted too? No that is not how I should be thinking. I am happy for him. But somehow, I didn’t want to go to the party. Okay, leave the matter. Bruno is licking my hand, meanwhile. Puppies are so cute creatures, you know. I feel so good.

Maybe life was never so bad, after all, or maybe there is nothing good or bad actually. But, today I had my favorite moments and I can connect those moments like connecting dots of a picture. I need to see that picture. Don’t know how it looks like. Maybe it is like this beautiful setting sun.

Originally published at subratwrites.wordpress.com

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