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A Good Goodbye!

“Once again we are strangers; this time with memories…”. Will I ever say “it was nice to see you again”? Or will it always be a regret?

What makes a goodbye good..? I wonder, how can a goodbye be said in a way that it doesn’t bring animosity and hatred? Can a goodbye ever be not hurtful? Does keeping it short & sweet, leaves one wondering and restless? 

Have you ever felt a goodbye in your bones, but didn’t say it out loud? You may have stopped from the fear of breaking down, falling apart, as some goodbyes can do that. Or you may not have found words to express all that needs to be felt and then some more.

I wanted to say a goodbye explaining why we must part now. However, many things stopped me. What if I’m not able to do justice to my emotions while bringing this to an end and then what about their feelings? In the process of not wanting to hurt, what if I end up hurting you further. What if my face betrays my well-prepared speech? What if the tears rolling down your eyes break my resolve? What if this goodbye is not an end? 

Sometimes, we know the pain such farewell can bring, so we don’t do anything and let time take its course. Sometimes, there never was a right time to say that goodbye. 

Sometimes we say more and create cacophony when a simple goodbye would suffice. And then sometimes we just say the word, hoping it would speak volumes bursting inside.

Does not knowing how the other person will deal with this parting make matters more complicated? Or knowing you won’t be able to comfort them after this makes you procrastinate more?  

You arrive at a goodbye only after assessing a situation more than once and accepting that this is the best course forward for enough reasons. The goodbye itself is also judgemental. Both parties might end up obsessing and breaking and analyzing the whole scene, multiple times. Every word, every gesture is judged. We read between the lines the most in a goodbye. So, then is it the judgement, we fear?

They say every end is a new beginning, and while I believe it is true, I wonder if this beginning will be worth the goodbye I have to say. I wonder if all journeys will be the same as they were, if we knew how and when the goodbyes will be.

Would I do it all over again even if I knew how this end will knock me out? Will I ever be able to draw strength from this and move forward boldly? Will it ever become a memory that won’t keep me up at night? Will it ever become part of the advice I impart? Or will it be one those thing that won’t give me peace even in my last moments? Will I ever say “it was nice to see you again”? Or will it always be a regret? 

For one of the many reasons I did not say goodbye to you and thus it sits heavy on my heart, pulling me down with some random but cherished memories, triggered by some equally bizarre connections. I’m not going to embark on the journey of ‘what-ifs’ as they don’t bring any solace either. All I can feel is; as the quote goes – “Once again we are strangers; this time with memories…” 

These lines by renowned Hindi poet, Sahir Ludhiyanvi resonate in me as I say this goodbye – 

 “Woh afsana jise anjam tak lana na ho mumkin, use ek khubsoorat mod dekar chodna achcha…”

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