Life is this magical gift that we take advantage of far too often.
A few weeks ago I was approaching a stop light when suddenly, a huge semi-truck ran the red light on the opposite side of me. I slammed on my breaks and began to shake. If I were only one second sooner, both my son and I would likely be dead. Being hit on our side by a semi-truck going about 35 miles per hour would not have ended well for us.
This event, coupled with my uncle’s recent death, has left me thinking a lot about the the way that I live my life and the way that I want to live my life.
It is important that I stop living in the past. I do not need to repeat my tragedies over and over. I also do not need to live in the future. Some future date when things are okay and I am with someone I believe I am meant to be with. It is time to toss aside every single one of those notions and live in the present. I must live in the now. Right now. This moment. It is the only truth that I have. It is important that I embrace it and own it.
I will never forget that moment about seventeen years ago when I was supposed to go with one of my best friends to stay at her house for a sleepover. We were walking out to her car and every single cell within my body told me not to get into that car. I couldn’t figure out why, but the voice inside was too loud to deny.
“Do not get into that car.”
The voice was so fucking loud.
So, I chose not to get into the car. I backed out of the sleepover and she was pissed at me. That was okay, though. I had trust that voice.
The next day, I had not heard from my friend who drove away without me. I figured she was just mad at me. It turns out that shortly after she drove away, a big vehicle had run a red light and crashed into her jeep. The passenger’s side where I would have been sitting was completely gone. There was nothing left of it. I would have been dead. Without a doubt.
Then, about five years later, there was my labor.
My doctor told me how ironic it was that the patient she had who was most afraid of childbirth, ended up having the most difficult childbirth she had ever witnessed.
After an entire day in labor without any dilation, they ended up having to do an emergency c-section. The cord was wrapped around my sweet little boy’s neck and they had to save him.
They could not get the epidural to work so they had to put me completely under sedation. I was not even awake when my baby boy was born.
I remember waking up in the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life. My little boy was already out of my womb and everyone seemed to have moved on and left me alone.
I cannot even describe the pain. I started screaming and my sweet nurse came running over. When she looked at me, the blood drained from her face and she began screaming for doctors and nurses to help her.
Apparently, I was hemorrhaging and if I had not woken up to alert the staff, I would have died within minutes.
When my nurse looked at me, she said, “Melody, I have to push on your stomach right now.”
I told her no. I told her she couldn’t touch me. I was in too much pain.
“If I don’t do this, right now, this second, you will die.”
I said, “Just get me to my baby.”
With that, I felt her push with her entire might onto my stomach and I passed out from the pain.
The next time I woke up, I was being wheeled into my room. My sweet little boy was placed into my arms. I was alive. I couldn’t believe it.
When you have felt what it’s like to have life taken from you, it is easy to hold tight to the moments that matter.
I am no longer going to live in my tragedies. I am no longer going to live in my futures. I am only going to live in the now. This present moment is the only moment that I know is real. I will never again live for the future or for the past. Those days are done. I will only live for today.
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