We need to stop blaming others for how we feel.
Pointing the finger gets us nowhere. The healing is in our own hands, and knowing that is power.
I write this with great debate in my heart, but also as a person who has endured massive healing. I have saved my own life several times over the last 20 years. I believe it’s time to lift the veil.
Right now, we see a rise in domestic violence and abuse. The truth is these things are always there—the triggers, the unhealed trauma, and the reality of our lives behind closed doors.
It’s easy to bury parts of ourselves when we have so many other ways to distract ourselves.
But now, here we are in the middle of a pandemic—the Earth is healing, and so are we. While our upbringing is not our fault, we are still responsible for our healing. The generations of deep pain that have never been healed are being revealed. It can no longer be swept under the rug.
For me, the real problem lies in our educational system. We, as a society, have been focusing on the wrong things. We have been programmed to feel small and not good enough.
It must change. We are not taught essential emotional intelligence or life skills, but we are taught how this product (fill in the blank) will create a better or happier version of ourselves. Hint: those things never leave us satisfied.
People are not educated on how to cope with difficult emotions, so pain gets recycled until someone chooses to break the wheel.
I know this because I healed myself from Borderline Personality Disorder, the epitome of emotional dysregulation. Generations of pain, anger, and depression landed in my body when I was created. If I didn’t choose to heal it, I would’ve died.
I will admit that before I knew how to deal with my emotions, I was “batsh*t crazy.” It wasn’t easy, but the thing that got me through was love.
It took me nearly 14 years to unwind the twisted thoughts in my mind and make sense of life. Now, with the advancements of understanding the subconscious mind, we have methods that help us get there faster. But the only way out is going in.
With fewer distractions in our lives and more time on our hands, it’s time to heal. But it’s going to take more than just a mindset flip to work.
The basics of inner work include:
>> A desire to heal.
We have to be ready. Remember, we can only love other people as deeply as we love ourselves. No one is responsible for saving us. So we must stop trying to save others and use that energy for ourselves.
>> A commitment.
Once we begin the healing journey, there is no going back. The person we once were evolves and becomes a memory. There is only forward, and the person we are to become is worth knowing.
I didn’t do it alone. I needed experts to help me get through my pain. I had to ask for it, and most others will too.
We will want to choose someone who holds compassion and empathy as their highest values and will walk beside us—not in front or behind.
I don’t want to sugarcoat anything and say it’s free. I invested over six figures in myself (and ended up finding my life purpose is to help others).
It may not be that way for everyone. It’s possible to find sliding scale counseling and support. That was me for many years until I made my healing a priority and cut out unnecessary expenses—I invested in myself.
The point is, don’t give up if something within the budget doesn’t come up right away. It’s an initiation we all must go through. It’s part of the journey.
Learning about ourselves is time-consuming, but yes, it’s worth it. Falling in love with who we are will take dedication, and it’s not always pretty when we’re unwinding decades of generational issues.
Don’t expect it to happen quickly. It’s a marathon, not a sprint, plus all the magic happens along the way.
Forgiveness is key. Everyone makes mistakes along the way—we have to be willing to forgive ourselves and come back to love every time. Compassion is the fastest way there.
Books, articles, podcasts, and documentaries. There is an abundance of information thanks to the people who have walked the path before.
With knowledge comes wisdom, which is gained by experience. Learning is learning, but then we must apply what we learn.
Whether it’s meditation, religion, or belief, a higher power will see everyone through. We are not alone.
And so it begins, continues, and evolves. Remember, we were not put on Earth to be born, go to school, get a job, watch Netflix, and die.
Mark Twain says it brilliantly:
“The two most important days of your life are the day you were born, and the day you find out why.”
Each of us is a miracle on Earth for a reason. Stay dedicated to the process, and the day will come when we discover why we are here.
Original Elephant Journal Article https://www.elephantjournal.com/2020/04/9-ways-to-uncover-heal-our-generational-trauma-denise-michelle-waling/