This part can be trickier and is definitely best done with the help of a trusted person whose ability to be objective and loving with you is crucial or a professional.
1. Explore your wounds
Looking at our wounds is so frightening and becoming aware of how we hurt a relationship or another person can be so daunting we’d rather avoid it completely.
Don’t avoid it. Keep going and dive as far as you can, because what’s on the other side is so glorious, you’ll wonder why you ever hesitated in the first place.
If you want to not only survive heartbreak and heal emotional baggage, but thrive… continue reading. This is how you step into a new relationship with complete confidence and grace.
2. Stop self-sabotaging behavior
Perhaps we are so accustomed to muscling through negative experience and conditioned to just deal that it doesn’t even occur to us that we don’t deserve the toxicity that we were living in.
When you develop self-awareness, it will prevent you from self-sabotaging behavior.
You don’t have to live in discomfort. The relationship didn’t even need to be toxic to be unacceptable, it could have just been unfulfilling. You deserve so much more. You deserve happiness, love, and all the things that come along with a healthy relationship. So perhaps your only fault was putting up with someone else’s bad behavior or believing that you could change them.
When we think we can change a person, this manifests as controlling behaviors. It also robs us of our sanity and our ability to live in the present moment. Perhaps these behaviors were at one-point coping mechanisms that you used to survive. At this point, they are no longer serving you and you can let them go.
How you can let go
Embrace that there isn’t anything you can do to change another person. Give it over to the universe and focus on what you can change about yourself.
When we are close to people with personality disorders, addictions, or who treat us abusively for any other reason we create dis-ease of our own. We get into our own negativity in order to survive the situation.
This human-level awareness is key and necessary to evaluate if you find yourself asking yourself how to heal from emotional baggage and find happiness again. But there is a bigger picture at hand, some behind the scenes mischief at play by the universe.
It’s often talked about in both the fields of psychology and metaphysics that empaths and narcissists often gravitate to each other. It’s described as the perfectly broken lid that fits perfectly onto the broken pot.
Metaphysics takes this to another level. In metaphysics, there is an awareness of how the broken lid and the broken pot coming together is happening for the highest healing of both the narcissist and the empath. If both or one becomes self-aware during the process of the relationship, tremendous healing can occur.
When we first discover the issues our partner has that trigger our deepest wounds, we are like WTF universe? This doesn’t make any sense.
But the universe is like, “This is perfect.”
It can feel like a cold, cruel, practical joke from the ether. But it’s good. It’s so so so good.
A shift in perspective… the true miracle
If you do the work, you’ll come out stronger on the other side than you were before the relationship.
You’ll have a deeper sense of our own worth because you’ll have watched yourself shift from letting another person define your worth to realizing they never did and the only person that ever has and ever will is you.
And when we shift our perspective from our worth being defined by someone who is cruel to us, to our worth being defined by our own inner knowing of who we are miracles happen.
Instead of being in victim mode when someone does something that hurts us, we can see it as a piece of information they have given us to make the best choice for ourselves. We can be empowered instead.
- Suddenly you can easily walk away from situations that you were once trapped in
- Suddenly you attract the biggest and best loves into our lives.
It may not need to be a long, drawn-out, painful healing process. It may just be a simple mindset shift or series of many simple mindset shifts.
3. Get out of the cycle of self-pity
And if you really want to get into the nitty-gritty, healing emotional baggage is a great way to get out of the vicious cycle of self-pity. As fun as it is and as easy as it is, it’s never sexy to go around feeling sorry for yourself.
4. Step into your sexy self
Do you know what’s sexy? Walking confidently knowing that your struggles have made you stronger. Your failed, toxic, or unhealthy relationships brought you wonderful lessons that you needed to learn that have made you the graceful, loving, and wonderful human that you are.
5. Build your strength muscle
Strength builds character
Tony Robbins talks about the phenomena of not feeling good enough. He says everyone in the world has every reason in the world to feel too damaged. We just need to stop believing and reaffirming the reasons we are too damaged and start believing and affirming the reasons why we are perfect and lovable just the way we are.
And there’s no wrong way.
6. Declutter and tidy up of your soul
Whether you spend a lot of time pondering and clearing out your emotional baggage or if you figure out what that shift is that you need to make in your mind you are clearing space for better relationships and better experiences.
This is how you get the law of attraction to work for you.
Marie Kondo discusses the magical art of tidying up and how it can transform your life. Feng Shui speaks to this too.
Finding happiness again comes with decluttering and tidying up of your soul. It removes negative emotions and experiences from our body, mind, heart, and soul.
When you remove the negativity, we can’t help but be a magnet for all the beautiful people, places, and things life has in store for us.
7. Clear out negative energy
Use these powerful prayers, affirmation, words you can speak to heal yourself are:
- I love you
- I’m sorry
- I forgive you
- Thank you
I love you. Sending love to any situation allows it to heal. We can accomplish anything with love.
I’m sorry for holding onto the situation. I acknowledge it’s time to let it go.
I forgive you and will no longer allow what happened between us to block me from receiving love.
Thank you for the lessons and the chance to experience personal growth and expand my horizons for receiving love and falling deeper into self-love.
Don’t forget to fall in love with yourself again.
- Take yourself on dates.
- Treat yourself the way you want your next romantic partner to treat you. Romantic energy begins with being romantic with ourselves.
8. Forgiveness is For-The-Giver
It’s something you can do to give yourself grace. So, once you re-learn to love the beautiful parts of yourself that were shamed by another, we can them forgive them so we no longer carry any resentment.
I know the thought of forgiving those who have hurt us can be triggering. People can be so cruel and forgiveness may seem like giving them a free pass.
It’s not. It’s something you do for yourself. Not for them.
Most importantly, give yourself the time and space to heal and don’t forget that it’s okay to feel miserable. In fact, it’s perfect.
It means you are an authentic human who is healing.
Give yourself the time and space to cry. There’s no need to rush the process. Don’t give yourself any sort of deadline. Just let your grieving and your feelings run their course. Do things that make you happy. Treat yourself to your favorite food. Cook for yourself and your friends. Treat yourself to the lavish self-care you have been craving.
Everyone grieves differently.
So just be willing to dive into the process. Ask God, the universe, your spirit guides, your long lost pet, or whatever resonates with you to help guide you through this.
Healing is a journey. Travel light as you let go of your emotional baggage to find happiness again. If taking this journey carry on only seems impossible to you right now, there is help.
Coaching is a great way to move through these experiences. My own journey through healing from emotional baggage after my divorce was so profound I have dedicated my professional life to helping others do the same.