Parenting styles have a big impact on how children develop into adults, and they are important implications for their future success
A study by The Center for Parenting Education established that children are influenced by the attitude of their parents – either positively or negatively.
Parenting style is vital because numerous reports signify that it forecast how children perform in the field of psychosocial development, business development, academic performance, social competence and problem behavior.
In Nigeria, where I grow up, the standard parenting approach consists of uncompromising discipline, tough love, control, instilling a sense of accountability and diligence at household chores (particularly for the female child).
An immense emphasis was placed on respect and traditions. Respect to people in positions of authority, including parents and any older person was nonnegotiable.
The Nigerian parenting approach has changed and these days the parenting approach today seems more easygoing.
The Nigerian parents of today are generally more tolerant and sociable than in our days as kids. There are more dialogues among parents and children today, to a certain extent for the reason that the average child today demands it.
The Effects of Bad Parenting on Children
According to Imperial Valley News, Research has established that there are deep and significant effects of bad parenting. The effects of bad parenting on the children include antisocial behavior, poor resilience, depression, and aggression.
Another study by the United Kingdom’s Department of Education indicates the effects of bad parenting on the children to include behavioral problems, poor coping skills, academic challenges, and mental health outcomes.
Frequent poor parenting decisions can have a harmful outcome through childhood and beyond.
Understanding and recognizing bad parental decisions can help parents make the best decisions for their child.
So, we look at seven common behaviors demonstrated by parents that hinder their children’s success in life:
1. Not Paying Enough Attention
The biggest regret parents in a study, have regarding their children early years was spending too much time at work.
Other regrets include: Spending too much time away from them, not playing with them more, among others.
Another research from Boston Medical Center also found out that Parents on Smartphones tend to ignore their kids.
Some parents pay little or no attention to their children. Some parents are so busy building careers and making money, that they totally neglect and ignore their children. They leave the care of their children to house help and nannies, who in most cases has no idea of how to properly bring up children.
Leaving children to the care of nannies and house helps in their most delicate stage (childhood) is an immense mistake that several parents make.
Most of these children grow up without proper guidance and direction and they have to learn about behaviors from their peers and the immediate environment.
The bad news is that most of these behaviors learned from peers and the immediate environment are more often than not, negative behaviors that go a long way to negatively affect the children later in life.
In worse cases, the children are sexually abused and threatened into silence without the knowledge of their parents.
2. Thinking A Strict Religion Will Give Children Perfect Values
Many people pray to God to do for them what they can do for themselves. Many parents believe that committing their children to God in prayer every day is enough for them to grow up morally.
But the truth is that children need more than prayers and religious involvement to grow up to become responsible adults.
Several sources have revealed that most pastors’ children have problems with depression, while most of them often walk away from the faith.
Too much religious activities only help to get the children pretend to be good, but as soon as they get the opportunity, especially when they enter the university and become free of their parents, they become wild and wants to make up for all the fun they believed their parents has deprived them of.
When some parents see a child misbehaving, instead of taking deliberate actions to correct the child, they resort to fasting and praying to God to help them straighten their child.
Religious activities should be backed up by proper discipline and guidance to make a child to become a responsible adult in the future.
3. Withholding Common Information about Vital Topics — Like Sex
A lot of parents have many reasons for not talking to their children about sex. They wrongly believe that talking about such sensitive topics with their children will corrupt them. Some old-school parents even consider such topics as taboo.
However, these behaviors have been proven to be a big mistake on their part because no matter what they do, the child will eventually get to learn about such sensitive subjects and most times, they get to learn it either from their peers or through personal experience.
According to a study, as reported by health day, Teens whose parents talk with them concerning sex are more likely to wait to have sex and to also make use of birth control and condoms when they finally do.
A lot of teenage pregnancy could have been prevented if the parents have taught them about sex, how to protect themselves and the negative consequences of engaging in sex before marriage.
4. Forgetting Our Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Some parents behave badly, but, expect perfect behavior from their children. A parent who fights, shouts, curses, smokes cigarettes, takes illicit drugs, drinks, or becomes physically aggressive should not expect his child to act like a saint.
Teaching one thing and doing another tells a child that you are insincere. It’s, in addition, makes your kid believe that the things you request them to do are not important.
By observing and imitating others, children learn ways of interacting socially. They learn proper and improper kinds of behaviors.
The examples set by adults, older siblings and children are the most powerful influences that shape a child’s behavior and manners.
Children learn by copying what others do. If the parents do not treat each other equally or with respect, the child will detect, learn and almost certainly copy this behavior.
If adults shout, act violently, discriminate, children will learn and copy this type of behavior also.
If adults treat others with respect, patience, and kindness, children will follow their example.
If fathers and mothers treat each other with affection and respect, the children will learn, copy and most likely replay it in their relationships as adults.
5. Raising The Child We Want, Not The Child We Have
All parents harbor dreams for their children. They even start before the child’s gender is even known. Secretly, they hope the children will be like them, only smarter and more gifted. They want to be their guide, putting their life experience to excellent use.
Many parents force a career path for their children, thereby making them abandon the career they have a natural flair and passion for.
There are different reasons why parents try to force a career on their children. Many parents strive to have their children to study medicine, law, Engineering or any other course they believe will make their child successful in future, even when it is obvious that the children have no zeal or passion for such courses.
According to the dailymail, researchers have proved that assertive parents try to make up for their personal failed dreams by making huge efforts to make their children succeed.
According to the research, Parents may take delight and significance from parenthood by indirectly achieving their unrealized dreams through their children.
The job of parents is to discover their inherent, God-ordained predisposition and prepare them for that path.
Forcing dreams on children aren’t ideal and would only make them frustrated and make them mediocre in such jobs.
Only when parents see children for who they are and help them prepare towards that path can they impact their life effectively.
6. Protecting Children from Failure
No parent is happy to see their child miserable or frustrated. That’s the reason a lot of parents do all they can to protect their children from setbacks and failures. Always shielding a child from distress and failure is not a good idea.
If a child is not trained to accept failure, they will toil to handle stress when they become an adult.
A little disappointment can sometimes benefit your child – as long as you teach him how to cope with failure and how to bounce back from it.
A child who has never become skilled at managing setbacks is as well likely to be pathetic and give in almost immediately a pressure mounts up. Every child needs to recognize that failing isn’t such a terrible thing provided they give things their best effort.
Parents normally exhibit these protective behaviors with good intentions, but these attitudes, go a long way to negatively affect the child’s success in life when they find themselves in situations where they need to stand up for themselves.
7. Lack of Trust
According to a Princeton University study, forty percent of infants in the United States live in fear or distrust of their parents. This fear and distrust will transform into defiance, aggressiveness, and hyperactivity as they grow into adults.
When a parent frequently makes a promise to a child, but don’t fulfill that promise, the child might get the notion that the parent can’t be trusted to do what he promised.
If a parent constantly tells a child that she can come to him and talk about anything, but then he flies into a rage when the child reveals something he doesn’t want to hear, the child almost certainly won’t feel like the parent can be trusted the next time something vital happens.
This lack of trust could imply that the child would rather discuss important issues with friends next time than risk the parent rage.
This lack of trust can also hinder the child from trusting anyone in the future. If this sense of mistrust grows up with the child, she might have psychological problems of ever trusting anyone in any field of life ever again.
This will affect the child future relationships, both in business, family and social life.
The good news is that you still have the ability to build trust with your child today. Follow these simple steps to build trust with your child, including practicing what you preach, learning to listen, always telling your child the truth, appreciating your child honesty, fulfilling your promises, sticking to your threats and being consistent with the rules.
About the Author
Osamudiamen is an entrepreneur and a freelance writer who specializes in writing about Personal Finance, Parenting and Business Productivity. He blogs at kelvinomere.com and he is available for hire.