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7 Signs That You’re an Over-giver

I am a classic over-giver. I like to help. I love the positive feedback and of course that classic – I like to be liked. But it’s a short term win, a short term shot in the arm, and it does not serve me, nor does it serve my coaching clients. We all know someone […]

I am a classic over-giver. I like to help. I love the positive feedback and of course that classic - I like to be liked. But it’s a short term win, a short term shot in the arm, and it does not serve me, nor does it serve my coaching clients.

We all know someone that gives too much. If you can’t think of someone, then maybe it’s you! In our society, giving is valued, encouraged, and applauded. But over-giving can often lead us down a very slippery slope or codependency and dysfunctional helping. Speaking from experience I have put together 7 telltale signs to know if you’re an over-giver or not!

  1. The person you are helping uses your help to escape their responsibility.

You often find that people who do not want to take responsibility for their own life and happiness will abuse your help and maybe even emotionally manipulate you to continue grafting for them. This will leave you bitter, resentful and angry. Definitely not the feelings you were going for when you helped them out initially.

  1. Helping causes you to compromise your integrity.

Sometimes you find yourself making up fake excuses and lying to get out of helping a specific person, lending them money (again) or letting them stay over another week. Unfortunately, you’ll realise that having a lack of integrity will wear down your soul and cause you to self-sabotage your own happiness.

  1. You feel guilty when you feel reluctant help people.

Either they are causing you to feel guilty or have introduced a fear of rejection you if you don’t continue giving. If you start to think, “I should want to help my friend. She is really struggling” but can’t shake the feeling of guilt for not wanting to help any longer, pay attention to that. It means that you are letting your kindness get taken for granted.

  1. Your help puts you in a difficult place financially, emotionally or physically.

I’ve said this before to my clients, but we can’t give what we don’t have. If you are putting their needs before your own every time then that’s clearly not a good sign. Know your limits and communicate them. Even though it’s hard to just standby when the people you love are struggling, you have to make sure you don’t get pulled into the water with them.

  1. Your giving encourages dependence.

There is a huge difference between helping and rescuing. Of course, it feels good to feel “useful”. But, our giving should not replace the other person’s own genuine efforts to make their own situation better. This robs the person off of their ability to reach their full potential. In the long-run, they could resent you for it because deep inside people actually want to be self-sufficient, and reach their life goals on their own.

  1. Helping people has changed your relationships in a negative way.

Do you ever find that when the need to help is gone, the possibility your relationship going back to where it was is slim? There’s nothing worse than putting your heart into helping a friend then realising your relationship can’t go back to normal.

  1. The person you are helping uses your help to escape their responsibility.

You often find that people who do not want to take responsibility for their own life and happiness will abuse your help and maybe even emotionally manipulate you to continue grafting for them. This will leave you bitter, resentful and angry. Definitely not the feelings you were going for when you helped them out initially.


If you resonated with any of the above seven signs, it may be a good time to get honest and reevaluate yourself. Maybe you haven’t learned how to properly value your self-worth. You need to look in the mirror and tell yourself how much you are worth! Altruism is wonderful, but it should never come with a price tag that marks down our happiness, joy, independence, and self-respect. We all have equal responsibility on this planet and if our helping disempowers us and the other person,  then we need review the price we are paying.

For more business advice and support head over to my Facebook Group now and join the fun! Alternatively, if you’re looking for some one-to-one advice then sign up for your Free Strategy Session now.

Hugs,

Linda.

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