One of my biggest insecurities growing up, was my more reserved nature. I think first, talk second.
I listened more than I ever talked. When I am not talking, I am thinking; analyzing; and processing even in social settings and when out with friends.
Ideas are analyzed vigorously and flowed through numerous channels of my mind, before they would ever be jotted down own paper or put out to the world.
I soon realized with the help of Susan Cain’s Quiet Revolution that my personality leaned towards the introverted side of the spectrum, and I just process things in a more unique manner. After making peace with this fact, I dealt with the notion of my own inner being and wondered because of all the thinking and listening I do, if I was personally viewed as “engaging” by those around me.
With a bit of curation and experience in the business world, I learned a few neat tricks that truly anyone I came in contact with, as well my inner circle.
This was especially so, when I received a question from an individual on Quora , about how to be viewed as “less boring” and more “engaging”.
You do not need to change your underlying personality or suddenly be that loud person, if you are not. Its not changing who you are, but doing a few new things.
You have the opportunity to create the experiences you want to build.
Go on a hike every so often, go to events, go to concerts, play sports, read and stay up with events to ask a deep questions to your group that creates conversations.
Step out of your comfort zone.
New experiences, breed new stories to tell. Share them.
Even if you hate talking. Sometimes I do, you have to become a better story teller.
Went on a beautiful hike this past weekend? Share it. Do not just say you went on a hike it was fun, bleh. End of convo. Take some pictures, bring your people closer to you when showing those pictures. Lean into them. You could build that connection and warmth.
Describe the air, the temperature, the scenery, the rock textures.
Saw a waterfall? describe the water, tell your people how glistening and clear the water looked especially if it gave off that crystal blue color when it reflected in the sun.
Do not forget, tell them how you felt inside when you saw that scenery. Good ol’ YouTube will help you out in this regard.
Do not ask what, or who. Questions that give off yes, no and ultimately one-word answers. That is lame.
Ask how and why questions, when your friends are talking. They will end up talking about their emotions and how they were feeling at that moment. People, you will find, love to talk about themselves. It will be more engaging and you could have a better flow of a conversation that allows you to truly connect.
Try to practice your tone of voice. Do not sound like a debby downer, monotone. Whatever. meh.
If someone tells you something shocking, for instance, have a shocked expression on your face, give off that “wow!” reaction.
If it is something that is a little breathtaking, or sad — use the power of touching (i.e. a bit on the shoulder to sympathize or empathize)
Make sure you have giving off positive vibes. Look at body language videos on YouTube to help. Important not just in social situations, but in careers, life and business and of course getting what you want.
Keep your memory fresh! When you are asking those interesting questions, keep mental notes of what they are saying. Bring it up later when you see them again.
They tell you a worry that is going on in their life? Like an upcoming play, audition, presentation? whatever. Ask them: how it went? and how they felt? etc.
People you care about tell you some of their special days? Remember those dates. Remember names. Remember people!
In today’s world with technology, it is a lost art but something you could never go wrong with. Connecting with people is the key.
Not only will your people feel special, but you will soon have that perceived charming personality.
You will find people will be shocked that you remembered the little things and notice the little details they mentioned about themselves. Shocked in a great way — because I could guarantee you they have rarely, if ever, experienced it.
Charming personalities attracts people to your life!
You could kill that boring person off finally for good this new year! Cheers to being attractive!
Originally published at www.quora.com.
Originally published at medium.com