Are you the same person when you are with him? Do you say him everything you wanted to say? Have You Ever Doubted In Yourself? If your answer is a “No” for both the consecutive times, then dear- “You are Into A Gaslighting Relationship”. Now you might ask me “What Is A Gaslighting Relationship?” Not many of them might be knowing about this term. But, somewhere or the other, we all are the victims of a Gas Lighting Relationship.
The term “Gaslighting” is a form of psychological manipulation that grows doubt in one-self or in members of a targeted group. This can happen anywhere, in your family, relationship, at workplace etc. I too was a victim of a Gaslighting Relationship for 10 years. Yes, I said 10 years, long enough to to welcome depression, mental stress, and suicidal thoughts? But kudos, am no longer in that pain anymore. I’m much happier now. Those who are reading this article now, must be thinking, that yes, even I’m also a victim of a Gaslighting Relationship.
The term comes from a stage play of 1938 called- “Gas Light” where a husband attempts to drive his wife crazy just by dimming the lights (which were powered by gas) at their home. And when the wife points that out, the man says that he has changed the light. The Gaslight is a extreme form of emotional abuse, that lefts you to question yourself, your sanity, and as a result, lack of self-confidence.
Gaslighting tends to happen mostly in a relationship. At first, it might sound a little harmless, but later, these actions can leave you anxious, confused, depressed, while losing the sense of what actually is happenning. And, then you might start relying on his abusive partner more and more to define reality and it becomes hard to escape, which exactly happened to me.
Okay, now to be more clear with this term, let me list you with 5 main signs that will help you to find out that whether you are in a Gaslighting Relationship or not?
Your Personality Is Different When You Are With Him
Okay, here I’m sharing my piece of experience, I am always a different person in front of him. Whenever, we used to go to a club, or a resturant even while traveling. He always used to say, Is this way to sit, talk and behave? Even If I’m on my best behavior, Or even if laughed a little loud, he used to scold me, say harsh things degrading me etc. So, I decided to not to talk to anyone when I’m with him. I was just like a stone kept in a museum.
In Short, You have the sense that you used to be a very different person- like more confident, pretty, fun-loving.
You Lack Of Self -Confidence
You start questioning yourself, Am I too bad? Probably I’m not good enough for anyone. Perhaps, I don’t look good than the others, there’s a lot of things that I lack of. This is because, your abusive partner, starts telling you things, that will make you loose confidence and faith in you. Like for an example, look at yourself, make some changes in yourself. Look at her, try to become like that person. This leaves nothing, except a low self-confidence.
Giving a False Hope and Apologizing Often
Giving a false hope is a manipulative tactic, that the partner usually treats to the victim. The person treats the victim with mildness, moderation, and superficial kindness, which might leave you thinking- “May be there is a chance of something good to happen”or “Maybe He is Not that Bad”. and keep apologizing often. You say him sorry often, even if it is not acceptable. This mildness behavior is the initial stage of attacking your mental state.
You Know that Something is Terribly Wrong, but you have no Idea of how to express
This type of situation is terrible. You have that one friend who you know, that he understands you, trusts you. But you become so inexpressive that you can’t even say him what’s bothering you. Even if you want to say him, but you just can’t deliver it to him.
You Lie Often
If you are in an emotional abusive relationship, then you tend to stay more scared around him. As a result, you lie to him frequently. Even if you don’t want to. You tend to hide things, thinking what he might say, or react.
How to Overcome This “Gaslighting” Relationship?
The Gaslighting is an extreme level of emotional abuse, that causes to doubt your own memories, perception throwing is emotionally and psychologically off balance. So, here are some ways that will help you to overcome from this Gaslight Situation-
Write It Down- Anything and Everything You Want To
If you are finding it difficult to express it to a friend or someone who you rely on, then just write it. Keep it to yourself, just express it out by writing. This will help you a lot to overcome this situation.
Take Help of a Counsellor/ Therapist
You can also take a help of a counsellor, or therapist. They will help you in the “Shadow Work”. The Shadow can be a source of emotional richness and vitality. Therefore, taking a help of a counselor can be a pathway to a healing and authentic life.
Keep Yourself Busy
Try to keep your busy as much as you can. This will help you to stay active and forget about the sadness and difficulties that you are experiencing. Some good activities are- cleaning your room, watching a good movie, gratitude writing, doing yoga etc.
I hope these help you to regain a sense person clarity, and self-confidence in you.
About the Author
Upasana Pradhan is an Engineer turned Writer. Completed Master’s from Delhi Technological University has a passion for writing and further pursuing her career in Writing. Worked almost three years in Education Field and current at Nextincareer.com. Is a Complete Shopaholic, Tattoo Freak, Loves to Listen songs and shows a keen interest in Fashion as well.