Our life should be a beautiful journey, but for some it is a bliss and for others it is a regret of missed opportunities. How do you feel about your life so far? I am in a blissful state, but I have travelled on a long hard road since childhood to most of my adulthood. I have experienced and learnt so much. What I have learnt about sacred relationships, I am looking forward to sharing it with you. Every person allows us to experience something new, we may interpret this experience as either positive and uplifting, or sad and heart-breaking. Whatever you perceive it to be, it should be considered just an experience.
Each individual that I have met and with whom I have had a heart to heart with, has guided me, or I have learnt something profound from their experience. This learning can be a careful guidance and may even be a very important change of direction. So, therefore you may have heard of the expression, that “every person who comes in our life, has a reason”. Think about this statement, hasn’t everybody had impact on you? That impact on you is only your interpretation, but for me they were all just experiences.
Your interpretation will most likely have influenced your thought or your decision making. Therefore, it is important to appreciate the impact others directly have on your thought process. You have been influenced by others, so who really has the power over you. Whoever controls your thoughts, controls you. What I have observed is that we authorise some individuals to connect with us deeply. So, some experiences are just that much more special, and I call them sacred bonds. So, what makes some relations so meaningful and deeper than the rest? Take a moment to reflect. How were you attached to that person? How did that special bonding make you feel? Have a real think in this reflection about what particularly made that beautiful relationship so sacred.
Although I did not understand it at the time, what I have learnt is that your sacred bonds have deep roots of conjoined emotions. These attached emotions feed off each other and create glue-like attachments, very much like an ethereal bond. You may have witnessed that some couples keep on forgiving for decades, whereas the spectators wonder why these couples are still together. These are otherwise known as emotional attachments. Here are 5 emotional attachments or otherwise known as hooks, that you may need to be aware of.
1. Your Sacred Home
Some places have an influence on us and at times they impact our decision making. For example, we all have a different concept of homely feel, some people love old cottages and some love villas, we have different reasons behind those feelings. It is said that our homes are a place of sanctuary for us, where we can feel a sense of security and comfort. Have you ever heard the phrase “Home is where the heart is?” No matter what place you call home, it strikes a chord within you. It is your place of retreat where you can close the door at night and snuggle up.
Our homes are deeply connected to our emotions across every culture across the planet. Most of us have the dream of owning a beautiful home we can showcase to our family and friends. It is most unfortunate and heart-breaking to witness that not every fellow human has this homely luxury. You do not need to live in a mansion to feel a sense of security and comfort. Homelessness is rife in the 21st Century and COVID-19 has escalated this problem. Whether we are looking for a partner to settle down with or as a single person living on your own, the outcome we desire is the same. We all want a place which we can call home. If I were to ask you, to describe your home to me and its surroundings, does it live up to all your expectations? Does your home match the lifestyle that you show to others?
Throughout the years my husband and I worked hard towards the same goal of building our dream home. The desire for building our future together was so strong, it was hard to shake off. I remember being so excited when we both decided to take on this joint investment. I still remember our chats with the architect as we both decided on what size house, we both wanted with the budget that we had. When our dream home was finally built the sense of pride, comfort, and security it brought us both was wonderful. The number of efforts we both put into building our sacred home paid off. Imagine twenty years of hard work with your partner, investing so much time, energy, and money as we built it together and now, try imagining how much pain it would cause you if your relationship were disrupted by mid-life crisis, and all you built together comes to an end. Imagine again, if you were near your retirement and this breakdown happens then, how insecure and broken would you feel? This is the very reason; it makes it so difficult to cut ties with what you have invested together. Would you walk away so quickly after working so hard to build a sacred place together? If you find yourself in this dilemma, what would you do?
2. Your Sacred Intimacy
Listening to my sorrowful friend saying, “She went so suddenly before Christmas”. This heartbreak was so intense for her, and the sadness of the loss so profound, but with this loss I could not fully connect, as I had not been close with anybody in my life. What does it feel like losing someone so close to your heart, I wondered? I was concerned to see my friend so upset, but I could not relate it to the depth of her grief. In a sense, I craved for this experience, for such deep love.
Sacred intimacy is created both on a conscious and subconscious level, and this is evident amongst long-term partners. This form of intimacy is deeply embedded with our emotional beings. When there is a strong emotional connection and love, there is a sense of belonging with that being and along with it comes trust, understanding, mutual respect and safety. Sacred Intimacy is built over time with care, patience, and nurturing environment. It is a journey of self-discovery of compatibility. If this compatibility starts to break, our own unresolved conflicts may hinder our determination to make it work.
Deep relationships are hard to detach from, a typical example of this dilemma is a partnership that is in full toxicity. People outside the relationship cannot connect as to why the victim is not leaving. Emotional hooks are so deep rooted that the victim cannot simply walk away, there is true love that exists, and other attachment also may be present. These abusive relationships are based on manipulating the emotional state of the victim. The perpetrators know the victim so well that is how they prey on their vulnerabilities. The victim is often isolated from their social infrastructure and eventually the victim loses the connection with their very SELF. The SELF is sometimes referred to the inner child, because that is the state in which we were completely happy, content, and carefree.
So, when we lose the connectedness with our inner child, we lose our way and feel vulnerable. There is a way to reawaken that connection, although it is not an easy task, counselling and therapies are highly recommended. However, not everybody is ready for counselling or receiving help that they so desperately need. So, the next step is recognising and accepting your situation, then setting some boundaries, and breaking that toxic bond completely, to preserve your mental and physical well-being. If you do need to reconnect with your inner child, there is one person we highly recommend, that is Gulmira Mamedova. She holds numerous workshops on her Instagram page, “PoWowMind_me”. Her Rapid Transformational Therapy will assist greatly in your recovery from toxic environments you have been exposed to. Our upcoming workshops with Gulmira will be near the end of February: empowering the inner child will be hosted in the Facebook groups and Instagram, please connect and we will happily share the link.
3. Your Sacred Financial Security
As a woman I have learnt the importance of money, it is not everything, but it plays a crucial role in our lives. We have no control of our parental financial background when we are children, but it helps if you notice the need for life’s essentials. We all should have a better perception of financial security, and especially when most women become dependent on others for it, this is apparent during childbearing. Talking about finance still seems to be a taboo subject in the family home. If you know that you will have to rely on your partner for support, then this subject must be discussed. When people have joint financial commitments you need a reliable, responsible, and trusting partner. I would recommend being extremely choosy in selecting your lifelong partner. It is a generic trend it seems, in the 21st Century, to lose the house you both have built and suddenly the mid-life crisis demands you to separate and start all over again.
Let us explore a dilemma that you might have witnessed in your own family or in your social network. Imagine a young mother, new to relationship and motherhood. As a new mother, on maternity leave perhaps, she may find herself with a small amount of money for food and baby’s upkeep. Maternity allowance may not cover domestic expenses as well as her own commitments and the newest expense of a child. Inevitably, the young mother is now co-dependent on her partner. What if the partner leaves her altogether? How would the mother cope then? Both emotional and financial support is needed by the young mother. What about the recovery her body needs, that has experienced a major trauma? She is not only a new mother, but she also needs a few months to heal her physical health. Of-course, many young mothers may rely on their family, but who would take a full-time commitment, financial and emotional? Would your parents or your carers give generously in these two areas? What about childcare, as you may know, it is a 24-hour service, who will be available when the mother needs her sleep? Is the mother expected to work 24 hours for 3-5 years, without a break? Will she volunteer to be in the strict confines of her home for at least 3 years? When the young mother’s money runs out, will she have a backup plan? Let us observe an average working-class mother, without any pregnancy complications. A typical timeline events per child:
- At 32 Weeks (7.5 Months) Gestation Period – Maternity Leave
- At 40 Weeks (9 Months) – Full-term – Birth of Baby
- At 52 Weeks (12 Months) – Body Trauma Healing
- At 104 Weeks (24 Months) – One Year Breastfeeding
- At 156 Weeks (32 Months) – Second Year Breastfeeding
- At 210 Weeks (44 Months) – Nursery School
So, we can make a generic assumption that to have one child, a mother will find a welcomed or unwelcomed disruption in her life for at least four years. Are you with a partner that will financially support you, at the very least for four years? This is a good time to pause and think why money is a significant factor, if you are planning on having a long-term relationship. A woman’s commitment to a relationship means she may fall pregnant and she needs to know if the partner will provide or leave her to fend for herself. Not all women can work and take on this responsibility alone, so it is a must have discussion with your partner who needs to understand this responsibility and deliver accordingly. Think about it, money will matter more than anything else in the world, when your child is crying because of hunger. A mother’s priority is to protect and nourish the child. There is no greater love than a mother’s love. This emotional hook is the strongest bind of maternal love and impossible to break.
4. Your Sacred Umbilical Bond
The umbilical attachment is the feeling that is incomparable to any other loves. It is mostly acknowledged that this undying love bonding, between a mother and her child, is unbreakable like steel. When I was carrying my child, the deep bond that I felt growing inside me, gave me a sense of purpose, security and of a super being. The assurance of knowing that what I have belongs to me, and that I would always be loved by what I am creating now. My thoughts and body worked in perfect harmony, and my self-care became my highest priority.
My self-love during the gestation period felt divine, it felt so good to care for me because the divine child inside needed me to. I know some pregnancies are tough, but I cannot remember ever having a bad day. I relied on that bond for my strength when I was feeling weak in the body. This maternal bonding keeps you going because of the reliance of the child within you. So, all the mothers who may have lost their strength somewhere along the rocky road, meditate on this sacred bond and recover your strength, because your creation does not want you suffering, just as you do not want them to suffer. Have you ever wondered about this strong influence by a child that has not yet entered this world?
Have you asked or wondered what your mother might have experienced when she was carrying you? Pregnancy is not always smooth sailing for some, but are you intrigued by how she felt when you were being created? My mother shared that she loved the sun when she was carrying me, and maybe that is why I love the heat so much. As a new mother, I was carefree and felt blissful. All my troubles were put aside, and my focus got laser sharp to take care of the baby and me. What makes this bond the pinnacle of all bonds, is that it is the highest, purest, and unconditional love. This emotional hook is near impossible to detach from. Mothers would not think twice coming in the way of extreme danger to protect their babies, no matter how old those babies may be.
5. Your Sacred Bond with You
As a child, I did not have great role models because from the age of five onwards to early adulthood, I really struggled to form any meaningful, trusted sacred relationships. It was only when I hit rock bottom did, I realise that I had been manipulated and controlled all my childhood. I had basically given my power away but as I child, you are not aware of power and control situations. When I recognised this loss of power, I felt compelled to gain that control back. From that point onwards I started to stand my ground and my confidence continued to grow, building me stronger into my adulthood.
That confidence inside me grew and became so powerful, that it echoed inside every cell of me, it amplified in my mind like a lion’s roar. I had no choice but to learn from this and allow the wounds to seal themselves. For the healing to happen, we need to seal the wounds first. I had nobody in my life to seal my wounds, there was no time to hang about, I picked myself up, brushed off the pain and got on with life. Healing from any trauma is a process of acceptance, self-forgiveness, and reconnecting with the self again. Self-healing did happen in time and this was my power. My bond with the self is my sacred love, I really started to cherish this sacred bond. When we are young, we are prone to be influenced by others, and carry with the consequences and attachments into our adulthood. As a child we may be afraid of being chastised or have the feeling of not being good enough, and this fear travels with you if you let it. You may forgive, but you will never forget.
Low self-esteem, mistrust lingers on if these fears are not addressed. They can and will have major impacts on your relationships with others. It is so important to seek assistance in resolving these deep-rooted issues, or you may miss out on bountiful relationships that await you. As a young child I longed for a close family bond like my good friend had with her grandma. She was so close with her dear grandmother, and it was a joy to listen to her stories and conversations with her. I knew special relationships existed, but I did not have any. Consequently, I felt the void of having such a fulfilling relationship compared to my best friend. I knew that one day I will have it. I can tell you now, that I do have it.