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5 QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU DIVORCE

Divorces can be messy. This decision can have serious negative consequences on not just your life but also your spouse and loved ones. You must think it through carefully and deliberately. If you feel your marriage has got to a point where there is no turning point, here are 5 questions to ask yourself before […]

Divorces can be messy. This decision can have serious negative consequences on not just your life but also your spouse and loved ones. You must think it through carefully and deliberately. If you feel your marriage has got to a point where there is no turning point, here are 5 questions to ask yourself before you file for your divorce.

1.    WHAT HAS BROUGHT ME TO THE POINT OF DIVORCE?

This can be complicated, and you may find it hard to be objective. Have you two grown apart? Did you fail to handle your conflicts? Are you unwilling to communicate?

Some people say they don’t have feelings anymore. This can be painful and sad. If you are having an affair, it is unrealistic to compare your new lover with your spouse. Feelings were once there, and it is definitely possible to get it back again. You just must be open to putting your behavior before your feelings.

If you fail to identify and correct your own contributions to your divorce, you will certainly repeat the same mistakes in your next relationship. It is important to examine what you need in order to change and perhaps practice it with your spouse.

2.    HAVE I DONE ANYTHING TO SAVE OUR MARRIAGE?

Is it the best resolution? If your marriage is non-abusive and the only problem is that you’re unhappy, perhaps seeking professional help might be a better option. It will help you find out if you are just going through a rough patch or if divorce is the only way out. In most cases, when couples separate because of personal issues, they will repeat the same pattern in future relationships if they do not address it.

3.    HAVE I COMMUNICATED MY CONCERNS CLEARLY?

Research shows that most people only hear 30-35 percent of what others tell them. We can be so preoccupied with what we are going to say that we completely miss out on hearing what the other person is saying. This is the root cause of most miscommunications in a marriage. For instance, if you feel your spouse spends less time with you, the behavior can only change if he/she is aware of it.

If you find it difficult to communicate without getting into a heated debate, seek professional help. Even if the marriage dissolves, it will help you to heal knowing you have done everything in your power to make it work.

4.    WOULD I BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT MY SPOUSE?

You have to really think about whether what you are getting from your spouse is worth what you are giving up. Perhaps you are not sexually satisfied with your spouse, but maybe his/her co-parenting, companionship and willingness to take care of you may make a better trade-off. Knowing your priorities can help make your decision less overwhelming.

5.    HOW WILL IT AFFECT MY CHILDREN?

Children are often emotionally, mentally and psychologically damaged by divorces in the family. Contrary to what most parents may think unless there is a lot of frequent and loud fighting and abuse, children want a home with both their parents in it. Research shows that children are in a better emotional state when both their parents are together even if it is an unhappy marriage.

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