Dr. Stephanie Buehler, Psychologist | Sex Therapist | CE Provider | Author, What Every Mental Health Professional Needs to Know about Sex
If you listen to the media you’d think that there are miracle pills available for almost any kind of sexual problem. Most of all, you know that for men there are “little blue pills” and testosterone potions to create good erections and plenty of mojo.
But pills–when the time is right, or taken every day–and testosterone–injected or slathered on the body–can’t fix every type of male sexual dysfunction. Here’s a list of five sex and relationship problems that I see in my office all the time.
Sexual confidence. You can take all the pills in the world but still feel like a klutz in the bedroom. Men second guess themselves and turn themselves into a pretzel worrying about everything while trying to have a good time.
Having a secret sexual need that you refuse to share with anyone. Whether it’s a hankering for feet or a desire to be on the bottom, men sometimes keep their sexual needs all to themselves. This results in sexual disappointment and frustration for both partner.
Poor communication seems always to be problem. Men often don’t tell their partner what they are doing that’s bugging them, in or out of the bedroom. They avoid communicating little things, and it all builds up into one big ball of trouble that threatens to drive a wedge in their relationship.
Using a woman’s orgasm as a measure of how good a lover they are. That’s silly. Some women have orgasms easily, some don’t. Some have orgasms consistently, some don’t. Some have big orgasms, some have petite ones. It doesn’t have too much to do with the man, so he shouldn’t take so much of the credit.
Overwork and exhaustion create all kinds of sexual and relationship problems. A man’s body is made of flesh and blood, not computer chips and metal. Men can’t expect to abuse their bodies with too little sleep and too much coffee and alcohol and then have energy leftover to enjoy sex.
All of these problems can be solved, sometimes with reflection and communication, sometimes with professional help. But none of these problems will ever be solved with a pill!
“People look for retreats for themselves, in the country, by the coast, or in the hills . . . There is nowhere that a person can find a more peaceful and trouble-free retreat than in his own mind. . . . So constantly give yourself this retreat, and renew yourself.”
- MARCUS AURELIUS