One thing that doesn’t get talked about enough when it comes to goal-setting, drive, ambition and “success” is the impact another person can have on your ability to perform.
Anyone that has ever been in a serious relationship knows that a significant other can either be a source of inspiration, or an unhealthy drain on your energy. This goes back to the idea that who you spend the most time with, and the people who surround you ultimately define your own level of growth.
Too many people make the mistake of keeping negative people around them for too long — and this is especially true for significant others. Getting your startup off the ground is hard enough. Having to explain yourself every step of the way is exhausting. Relationships, whether it is a girlfriend, boyfriend, spouse or a close friend, are crucial parts of the equation that need to be taken into account — and if left ignored, can end up causing more harm than good.
Here are five reasons why maybe saying goodbye is the best move:
This isn’t always easy to see when you’re in “the honeymoon phase,” but the truth is, when you’re having fun with someone else, it becomes easier and easier to say, “Eh, I’ll do it later.” You want to be in the moment — and that’s perfectly ok. It becomes a problem when your goals and the things you truly want to do in life get sidelined so much for someone else, that you no longer choose to pursue them.
Finding “the right person” has as much to do with an emotional connection as it does a supportive and understanding one. A lot of people feel like they’re “in love,” but when it comes time to grind, both parties clash and problems arise.
Especially if you are an entrepreneur, a business owner, an artist or someone with very clear aspirations that require a lot of time spent alone working, you have to find someone who is willing to give you that space. If they can’t, then holding on to that relationship means you’ve settled — you are settling for wherever you are, and ultimately, your aspirations will suffer.
Don’t settle. Stay true to the path, and you’ll eventually find someone who is willing to go on the journey with you.
Again, if you’re in a supportive relationship then a lot of these things will already exist. But if you are in a tumultuous or strained relationship, then you are going to constantly have issues lingering in the back of your mind. You will worry about working late because that may spark another conflict. You will struggle to enter “deep focus” because you may be constantly responding to texts.
Once you cut ties and you embark on your own again, you will realize how much more head space you have to focus. Now, be careful, because especially after a breakup this can easily turn anyone into a “workaholic.” Just be aware of how you feel, and channel that energy into doing things that are productive for you — and then remember to balance that out with other healthy outlets.
I think everyone has seen at least one couple explode, and then one (or both) parties go crazy with self-improvement and become a fit, successful, emotionally intelligent person, while the other is left wondering, “Woah, where did that person come from?”
Breaking free of someone who isn’t supportive of you can light a flame of motivation. It can give you emotion to use as fuel, and spark a desire to “prove them wrong.” Again, an easy thing to take out of control, so be aware of the line between “motivating” and “unhealthy obsession.”
Use your former relationship as a reminder of what it is you don’t want, and let it propel you to find what it is you do want.
I’m sure you’re noticing a trend here — all of these things have dualities: some good, some bad. There are plenty of times when a breakup or broken relationship can cause someone to go off the deep end. Don’t be that person.
Instead, open your heart to what is “new.” Want to learn a new skill? Pick it up. Want to go somewhere you’ve never been before? Pack your bags. Want to set an extremely high goal and wake up every morning at 5:45 a.m. to work towards reaching it? Hit the ground running.
When you are on your own, you have that freedom. You can say “yes” to things you might not have been able to say yes to before. Use that to your advantage, and let it inspire you to do more and be better than you were before.
And finally, in order to move into the next chapter, you have to close the one before it.
Don’t make the mistake of hanging on to something for the sake of “what’s comfortable.” Just like a job, or a hobby or anything else you spend your time doing, a relationship is an investment — and if you continue doing something you aren’t absolutely in love with, leave it. Move on. Keep exploring until you find the right fit.
Often times, we attract the people we need based on where we are “right now.” And a relationship is then founded upon both people’s abilities to continue to grow and adjust as each change in their own ways. It never stays the same.
If you stay true to your path, and you end up changing and growing in a way that makes them unhappy, then the relationship isn’t going to work out — and you need to leave it behind. And in turn, you will end up attracting the next person, who may be more understanding and willing to go on that journey with you.
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Originally published at www.inc.com