Saying ‘yes’ and trying to please others without pleasing yourself. This is one lesson that has been coming up for me. At times, when things are really busy and I feel overwhelmed, I have to remind myself to say ‘no’ to people and know that it will be ok to say no. I have to respect my personal space and protect myself from others. There is so much going on and so much to process that I have to give myself the time, permission and space to know that my brain may not process everything right away. And that’s ok — because that’s my personal journey and no one else’s journey. It’s ok to take the time to figure things out for me. And if people don’t like it, it’s their problem, not mine.
Setting boundaries can be tricky, because it’s like a muscle that needs to be tested and strengthened time and time again. Remembering that it’s what you need to do for yourself, and knowing and trust that it’s the right thing to do for yourself. It’s not personal and has nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with you. If you’re not able to talk or see someone, that’s ok, you don’t need to say yes to them because they need you. You just need to stand up for what you believe in and what you want. Everything else will work itself out.
2. Focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t want.
Knowing that we as humans are triggered to think of the things and stay in our comfort zone because of fear. If we keep focusing on the things that we don’t want, we will get more of it. Figuring out what you want and going after it — no matter what, is the most important lesson of all. Once you know what it is that you want, the world will move people, resources and opportunities to support you with what you desire.
3. Knowing when to separate your life from other peoples’ lives — ie. ‘It’s not your circus.’
Other people’s issues and dramas are not yours. So don’t let it suck you in and define you. You are not responsible for other people’s problems. Problems are there to serve you and if the other party is going to let their problems consume them, that’s their choice, not yours. Know that you are strong enough and worthy enough to focus on your own life and to keep making it better with every challenge and setback.
4. Acknowledgment and acceptance:
Sometimes, pain comes from the little things of not being truly who you are. Just being heard and acknowledged with the words, ‘I understand, I hear you, I’m sorry for what you are feeling, and I acknowledge your feelings’ go a very long way in supporting others. It’s allowing others to be seen and heard for who they are and what they are genuinely feeling and not wronging them for their feelings. Hiding behind texts and emails can be so easy, but also short-term. Facing these challenges head on and confronting them is valuable long term investment strategy to give you the skills to keep getting better and stronger every day.
This post was originally published on Health and Vitality.