There’s a reason easy-going people are happier than uptight, more intense folks. While you can’t flick a lightswitch and metamorphose into a laid-back individual or force cheerfulness when you’re not feeling it, you can enjoy life, especially in the most challenging yet rewarding parts of life, that being success in all relationships.
Relationships are a catch 22. On the one hand, they can be incredibly irritating and painful learning how to work with others and get along is hard and it’s almost easier and tempting to just work alone! But life can get lonely without relationships. Furthermore, we all need relationships and human connection to thrive. After all, we were born in connection and we heal through connection. Sure, it might be easier to be alone and never have to engage with others, but do you grow or stagnate when you never get the opportunity to flex your relationship muscles? Can you scale without empowering others?
The good news? You can learn to enjoy relationships – even artificial work relationships (with coworkers that you may find irritating). And even when you don’t, you won’t need to resort to drastic measures like cutting off friendships, alienating your family, changing careers, dumping your partner, or telling off your boss. You can still protect your time, your energy, and your boundaries living the life you want, with whom you want. Success is an inside job. When you get your mindset right, the rest of life’s perks flow.
Here are some pointers for how to get along with just about anyone so that you can easily get the jobs, the relationships, and the growth you want from life:
You can’t control others, but you can control how you respond
Relationships can be frustrating as you can’t control the other. And sometimes it seems you are left at their whim, feeling powerless and sometimes victimized. The trust is that you have much more power than you think. Even though you cannot control how another treats you, you have total control over how you respond.
That means, no one can make you feel or react a certain way. It is completely within your purview if you can train yourself to self regulate, not take things personally, and realize that the other person is usually coming from a hurt place. Suddenly, you are empowered to control your emotional world, no longer giving power to others and letting them drain your energy.
Use your words and articulate your needs clearly
One way to empower yourself is to use your words. Articulating your feelings by using words helps you do something constructive instead of stewing inside. It also helps you set boundaries by sticking up for yourself instead of remaining silent. When you use your words, people will respect you and your integrity and you will help yourself achieve greater emotional health instead of letting yourself being manipulated because you feel guilty or helpless.
Know what your trigger points are
It’s hard to take control of your emotional reality if you are not conscious about what sets you off. If you are unaware of your trigger points you won’t be able to make intentional choices because you are just reacting blindly. Begin to notice what pushes your buttons, what makes you respond in a way that you feel like you lose it or become of out of control. That is your first step to becoming more enlightened.
As you start noticing the patterns, ask yourself what’s feeling familiar? As you begin to become aware of your triggers and realize how much of your reaction is your baggage that you carry, you’ll be able to make a more conscious choice next time you meet that trigger. “There it goes again!” How do I want to respond this time? This is extremely empowering as instead of operating on autopilot, there’s a real person in the cockpit.
If you want to get along with anyone, it’s an inside job. Become more self-empowered by learning how to self-regulate, use your words effectively, and become more self-aware of your triggers. Not only will you be able to better tolerate others, people will want to be with you, and your life will be greater enriched.
With over a decade of experience working with high-conflict couples to help them feel heard and understood, create calm and connection, Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, M.S., LCPC brings his approach to businesses to help bring about more effective communication and team building in the workplace. As a world renowned relationship expert and marriage therapist working with thousands of couples of the years, helping to turn their marriages around in two days through his unique communication process, Rabbi Slatkin now applies these communication processes to businesses to achieve the same phenomenal results in organizations and corporations through his consulting firm, Slatkin Communications.