Let’s just say that documentaries and short films on Netflix are changing my life. I started with “Minimalism: A Documentary About the Important Things,” and I realized that my deep affection for having “stuff” was choking the life out of me. Then I moved on to “Happy,” and learned that I’ve failed to see the good in most of my life’s situations. And now, “InnSaei: The Power of Intuition,” has me rethinking my entire being. I don’t mean questioning it as in asking myself “Why am I here?” or whatnot. I mean, I’m realizing just how unhappy I am in my claiming to be happy.
I’m one who is emotionally emotionless, meaning that I experience so many emotions on a daily basis that I’ve almost become numb to what I feel. I’ve mastered turning off my heart and turning on my mind in situations where most would forget about logic (left-brained) and hone in on what they feel (right-brained). And in doing so, they wear their hearts on their sleeves. I’m quite the opposite. I hold my mind in my hand and my heart in my pocket. Honestly, living life this way has taught me three things:
If I could be honest, some of my biggest mistakes have been made when I relied solely on my heart to guide me. Seriously, my decisions felt good in the moment, but once I “came to,” I knew I had dug holes for myself to fall into. For so long, I believed that happiness had to feel good all the time. That’s a lie. It’s totally okay to allow your feelings to win sometimes but it’s also important to use your intuition and logic to validate those feelings. What makes you happy right now may not make you happy in the future.
My love affair with having the best in brands drained my pockets. Unbeknownst to me, my emotions were tied to the number in my bank account! If I woke up and saw a couple thousand in there, I’d jump out of bed, smiling. And if I felt like my next card swipe would send my finances into oblivion, I’d spend a few extra minutes under the covers lamenting my disgust with being broke. It was something about knowing that I could spend money without checking to make sure it was there! It was liberating. The problem with that was when there was no money to spend, my happiness seemed to be sucked right out of my body.
I had to change that. And I did. I like to say now that my bank account is a reflection of those I help. If it’s low, I am not doing enough to help others. So what do I do? I let the universe send me people to help! I ask for people helping opportunities. Not everyone I come in contact with poses for monetary gain, sometimes the slightest hint of gratitude flowing from the lips of a stranger bring me back to reality. My giving has less to do with money and more to do with helping those sent to me flourish.
Webster’s dictionary defines “happy” as, “favored by luck or fortune; notably fitting, effective, or well adapted.” Basically, happiness can be defined by external as well as internal suggestions. Or so they say.
I believe that being happy has everything to do what one feels and thinks about themselves and the world around them. It’s subjective. Happiness can change at the drop of a dime when it’s not controlled by the one who possesses it. So, I ask you this, who controls your happiness?
For me, my happiness is controlled by my willingness to receive and live happiness. Yes, I still use tons of logic, even in my happiness. But my source of being content with my life comes from being content with who I am and what I’m purposed to do here on Earth; and that is, to help others. I get my greatest fulfillment from helping, doing and serving. And as I am fulfilled, my heart is happy and my logic is confirmed.
So, find out what makes you happy! Get rid of the people, places and things that make you feel anything other than happy. You can’t always change what happens to you, but you can change how you respond and react to it. Choose to be happy.
Originally published at medium.com