Now, there are more and more people with social anxiety.
Especially for those who die, they feel nervous when they think of going out with other people, and even have a fear, but they are hard to tell exactly what they are afraid of. This is a typical characteristic of anxiety: a fear of the unknown. Knowing this, there is a direction to improve social anxiety. The direction is to make these unknowns as known as possible. In other words, when you are uneasy about interacting with others, ask yourself:
“What am I afraid of?” In summary, the main fears of socially anxious people are as follows:
1. Fear of others not accepting themselves, such as not being friendly to themselves, or not enthusiastic enough, making themselves uncomfortable, or embarrassed, etc.
2. Fear of making mistakes in dealing with others, such as saying the wrong thing, or having some improper behavior that is laughed at by others.
3. Fear of negative evaluations by others, such as being underestimated, being denied, etc.
Knowing where our fears are, we can then adjust ourselves in a targeted manner.
First, about fear of not accepting yourself.
This is a response to expectations. One of the biggest habits of socially anxious people is that the mind is full of “ifs”.
What if no one takes care of me? What if others do n’t like me? What if I am excluded? What if someone treats me with a bad eye? and many more. If you think about these if you think too much, your heart will be under a lot of pressure, and you will be resistant to interacting with people. For these ideas, the most important thing is to look rationally.
The so-called rationality, on the one hand, recognizes that these fears do exist in theory, which is an inevitable part of life. However, we also need to know that 90% of the things we worry about in life will not happen. In other words, most of our worries do not exist. It is not necessary to worry about the idea that a high probability will not happen.
If you can’t help thinking like this, you can say something like this to yourself: “Wait until something happens, there is always a solution.” Such self-suggestions can allow us to use a more rational and realistic attitude. Treat socially, so as to relieve inner anxiety.
Secondly, about fear of making mistakes.
When we interact with people, we will inevitably say the wrong thing, or have some embarrassing problems. At this time, we wish to find a ground seam to get in. It is precisely because of these negative experiences that many people are increasingly reluctant to interact with people. “Since dealing with people makes me so embarrassed, why should I embarrass myself?” This is a typical psychological path for people with social anxiety. At the core of this psychological path is excessive attention. When interacting with people, a lot of things happen, and you can also experience a variety of experiences. If you have a good experience, you will naturally have a bad experience. The problem with paying too much attention to the problem is that we will ignore the value of 9 good experiences because of 1 bad experience, and completely negate the significance of this communication and those who do not have social anxiety, or those who are very happy with For people who interact with each other, their psychological paths are diametrically opposed, focusing on gains. People who pay attention to the harvest, even if they encounter 4 bad experiences when interacting with people, but because there are 6 good experiences, they still feel that this exchange is very valuable and will be satisfied. Not only that, in the face of some mistakes they make when interacting with people, they will be treated with encouraging thinking.
For example, when there is a voice in your heart that says, “This time I messed up again, I’m an idiot.” I learned a little social experience. “
Errors not only tell us that something is wrong in some places, but also remind us that certain things may need to be handled in different ways, or that certain meanings can be expressed in a better way. In this way, how serious a mistake is at a psychological level, and our fear of mistake itself will be eased.
Finally, about fear of negative evaluation of yourself by others. People with severe social anxiety will feel nervous and uneasy when they are with others, their heartbeats will be faster, and they will blush easily. At the inner level, there is a strong sense of shame. The main reason for being ashamed is that you underestimate yourself and you do n’t recognize yourself. Therefore, when dealing with people, I am afraid that others will pay attention to myself, because being seen by others means that my shortcomings are also exposed in the eyes, which is a very dangerous thing. To overcome this psychology, the key point is to adjust your own attribution. Low self-evaluation When doing things, there is often a negative attribution method: when succeeding, it will habitually attribute the cause to luck, rather than your own efforts and dedication, thinking that you are just lucky. So lucky. In this case, people will become more and more inferior. To improve self-confidence, we need to change this negative attribution method and use a positive attribution method:
When you are successful, you must realize the importance of your efforts, recognize yourself more, and when you fail, consider whether it is caused by some uncontrollable external factors, and do not easily deny yourself. Only in this way can you gradually increase your self-recognition and reduce your inner shame.
Of course, to ease social anxiety, in addition to adjusting psychologically, you can also improve your self-confidence by transforming your image. Whether it is a retro style, or a grunge style, or japanese style, just make yourself beautiful Reduce anxiety to some extent.