We all have these moments of frustration of ‘what is wrong with me’, ‘why can’t I stop myself’, ‘Why can’t I get anything done’, ‘I don’t want to feel this way’
So frustrating when you want to see a way through but you just keep facing the blocks time and time again, right??
We all have these moments, but maybe recent life events have been meaning they have been showing up more often.
I found myself in this space this week with my kids, as they are frustrating the hell out of me with the constant bickering I was starting to feel that little bit of mum burnout.
Like any type of frustration, it’s the space where you tell yourself you just can’t deal with this anymore, you don’t want to, you have had enough.
That used to be about the point where I would sit down and have a little cry to myself.
Now don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with crying it out and allowing yourself to feel your emotions. I am absolutely ALL for that, I believe having a good cry can be incredibly healing.
BUT …….
I just know with the shifts in my own mindset and using these practices consistently, I now find that I don’t get to this point anywhere near as often now.
It’s not through blocking my emotions, but more about increased self awareness, so that I can catch myself before I reach the point of having a complete meltdown.
I’m still human and of course there will be times when things are far less than perfect and meltdowns do occur, however DO NOT allow yourself to stay there!!
With everything that you have been dealing with right now, and it’s been a LOT, you are allowed to have these emotions. I want you to lean into them, really feel them take note of what it’s actually guiding you towards, so that instead of burying your feelings, pushing them down and telling yourself to just soldier on, you actually utilise them to fuel your fire for change.
Because if nothing changes, then nothing changes and you keep on having the same battle with yourself over and over again.
I could continue on day by day as I have been, and my kids will still continue to bicker, argue and fight with each other. In fact I just think it’s the favorite thing to do BUT shouting at them to stop is definitely not mine
So this is the three step intervention that gets put into place. Something I do with ANY frustration that I am feeling.
Whether it’s my kids pushing my buttons, me getting frustrated with myself, my body, my business, my husband, any challenge, frustration or any feelings of being pi$$ed off, it ALL goes through the same process.
- Check It & Accept It
This is about the initial awareness, i.e I am not happy about this thing that keeps on happening again and again. What is the thing? How do I feel about it? What is the story that I am now taking this on as meaning??
The final question on that point is a powerful one. Because we can tell ourselves all kinds of disempowering things about what this situation means. ‘I’m a bad mother, I can’t cope, I’m not good enough, I’m failing, they think I’m weaker’ blah blah blah. This is your inner bitch talking, and we don’t want to listen to her too often or she starts to think that she is right.
Allow yourself to accept that it’s happened, it doesn’t make you a bad person or any less worthy. You were dealing with it the best way you could in the moment, and now you get to discover how you can do it better so that it STOPS the frustration cycle.
Accept it happened, acknowledge and understand it and now commit to doing better by moving onto step two.
- Reclaim Your Power
This comes down to asking yourself empowering questions instead of the disempowering ones that are usually our default go to. The quality of your life will be determined by the quality of the questions you ask yourself. So look back to the questions that I put right at the top of this post. This type of question will always make you wrong and doesn’t look for the solutions e.g ‘what the heck is wrong with me’ is a good one that can be my first go to before I check myself.
So some better alternatives could be:
What gets to change?
What can I learn from this?
What is this guiding me to do differently?
How could I feel more at ease with this?
How could I manage my time better?
How could I communicate differently?
How could I change the result?
These questions put you back into the place of power. The truth is that you are the only one that is in control of your life. Whilst there is so much in the outside world that is out of our control, you CAN take back control of the things that you tell and ask yourself.
It’s these things that will determine your mood, your energy, your happiness and your results. So let’s shift those back to a place of feel good.
Shift your questions from the ones that make you wrong, the ones that make you fall into victim mode, and instead change it to a ‘How can I…………’ (accept, learn, grow, do things differently) to empower yourself for doing things differently going forward.
The answers may not always come up straight away, sit with them if you need to, use your journaling practice or ask for some support.
- Commit To Change
This is the step when the cycle breaks, and real transformation is created. Look at the answers you came up with from step two and begin to implement those changes. Often the changes will be small subtle shifts, but when applied consistently and formulated into a new habit is where the game changes. That is when we then get to experience more ease, more peace in our lives and of course increase our ability to reach more of the goals you set out for yourself.
Your success is based upon the habits, boundaries and standards that you set for yourself. And you will create these new levels by allowing yourself to turn your frustrations into your fuel.
So in the example of my kids driving me a little bit bonkers this last week the action steps, boundaries and standards it’s driving me to implement moving forward are:
- No treats/rewards or screen time until behaviour improves. I have been very lax with this of late in order for an ‘easy life’. In truth it doesn’t make my life easier and they need more boundaries and consequences.
- Meditation and me time. Now I have the space with kids at school and clubs, use that time to decompress and not just work constantly in a bid to catch up.
- Awareness on my connection and communication with the boys.
Will it be fool proof, heck no!! This is the real world. I get to constantly check in on what’s working, what’s not and readjust as we go. Growth is about the continuous micro adjustments.
This is why these questions are a essential part of the Get Your Sh*t Together life planner I use with all of my clients. Find a system that will encourage you to do this daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly and yearly through using the planner along with a journaling practice is incredibly powerful.
The power of self awareness and self reflection to make the changes and create more of what you want with your life.
To life a life on purpose and one that you freaking love living.
It won’t always feel easy at first, in fact there will be times when it becomes damn uncomfortable.
But your long term happiness and success depends on it, and it will absolutely always be worth it. And YOU are worth doing this work on and to move through those feelings of frustration with more ease as you remind yourself that they are there to help you to grow and evolve.
Emma Colsey-Nicholls