Do you struggle with facing your fears? Let’s keep it real, the vast majority of people do.
To slightly modify the words of Sheldon Cooper, “Ah fear, thou art a heartless bitch!” As much as that cracks me up, there’s a mountain worth of truth in it. Especially for people who want to be UNCOMMON.
Fear is part of life – we all face it.
So, the issue is NOT whether you’ll have fears. The issue is, whether fear will prevent you from creating the life of your dreams.
If you want to learn how you can create the life of your dreams by facing your fears, then keep reading.
What are you so afraid of?
A fun factoid to whip out the next time you’re with a group of friends is that we’re only born with two fears: loud noises and falling down.
So that begs the question, where did all of these other damn fears come from?
You learned them! Throughout your life, the people around you did and told you things that created fears inside of you. For example, we go running like a crazy person across the room to stop our little kids from jumping off of something and hurting themselves. That instills fear in them.
Yes, some fear is healthy. You want kids to grow up knowing what stupid things NOT to do so they don’t kill themselves.
But what about things that aren’t life and death?
What about the fears of failure or success?
I don’t know about you, but I think being human is freaking awesome!
We get to have experiences that no other species on this earth can. You’ve never heard of an oak tree getting to ride in a Ferrari, a bird getting to experience the awesomeness of a snuggy, or a squirrel getting to enjoy the bliss of a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
Yup, being human definitely has its perks.
But, it also has its downsides, like being able to be controlled by fear. While no other creature on earth can experience the amazing things we do, they also aren’t subjected to the psychological torture we put ourselves through.
You’ve never heard of that same oak tree, bird, or squirrel living controlled by fear of failure, judgement, or success. They don’t wake up fretting about how the hell they’re going to show up as the best versions of themselves.
So why do we?
Because we choose to!
Fear, in most circumstances, is a choice. And whether or not it controls you and your success in life is completely up to you.
The R.A.M system for facing your fears
Step 1: Reveal
One of the biggest reasons people struggle to effectively deal with fear is because they are ignorant about having them. Now, I don’t mean ignorant like being a dumbass, although I’m sure we all know some of those. I mean not knowing or wanting to admit that they have fears.
The first key to any sort of change is the awareness that change needs to take place. If you don’t know or admit that part of the reason you’re not successful is because you’re being controlled by fear, how can you expect to change it?
So the first step in effectively dealing with fear is revealing it. You have to be willing to go inside, do the deep work on yourself, and shine a light on all of the fears that are holding you back.
Think about those old prison movies where someone’s trying to escape. The guards are using those huge spotlights to canvas the prison grounds and find the dirt bag! (<< Like how I threw in that old school cop lingo?) Why? So that they can know where they are and catch them.
Revealing your fears is a lot like that. You can’t deal with your fears if you can’t shine the light on them. Otherwise, they’re just running around causing you a lot of stress, and stopping you from moving forward.
Step 2: Analyze
The older I get, the more I become fascinated by the “why’s” of life. I think it’s the magical word that separates those who live UNCOMMON lives from those who don’t.
One of the why’s I became most curious about in my own life, is why I was afraid of certain things. Asking that question caused me to do the second step in effectively facing my fear, analyze it.
Analyzing your fears falls into two steps:
> Analysing the cause
When you analyze the cause, the question you’re trying to answer is, is it your fear, or one that’s been given to you?
You need to evaluate your fears to know where they came from.
***Spoiler Alert*** Most of your fears aren’t your own.
You need to let go of anything that didn’t come from your own experiences, or doesn’t have life or death implications.
> Analyzing the legitimacy
Once you know the cause and let go of all the useless fears that others taught you, you need to analyze the legitimacy of the remaining fears.
To keep this short and sweet, if it ain’t gonna kill you, do like Elsa said, and “Let it go, LET IT GOOOOOO!” Or, at the very least, analyze the fears that are relevant to your goals and dreams, and figure out how you’re going to deal with them.
Step 3: Move
Now that you’ve revealed and analyzed your fears, the last step is to move.
You’ve got two choices:
- Face your fears
Facing your fears means flipping the big metaphorical (or literal for added awesomeness) middle finger to your fears and deciding to go at your dreams despite them.
I had this experience first hand. I knew I wanted to be a coach and speaker, but I was deathly afraid of public speaking and had a huge fear of failure. Those things were my “walls” to reference the quote at the beginning. I had to decide whether my dreams were worth going over, around, or through that wall. You’ve gotta make that decision as well.
If the answer is no, then you need to pivot. And let me just say that there is no shame in pivoting. I know I come across as brash sometimes, but it’s because I want to help you break free from fear if it’s possible. But, you have to do what’s best for you. If you can’t imagine a world in which you can face the fear necessary to break through to a particular dream, then dream a different dream.
I know people who have had similar dreams to mine, but the fears I mentioned were just too big for them. That’s okay! Be honest with yourself, be okay with your truth, and go out and create the best, UNCOMMON life that you can in alignment with that truth.
You have to decide who’s in the driver’s seat of your life – you or your fears. Fear is never going to go away, but it also doesn’t have to rob you of your dreams either.
If you want to create the life you’ve always dreamed of, then you MUST learn to effectively deal with fear. Go through these steps, and I promise you’ll be able to break through to any goal or dream.