Let’s face it… couples fight. We try maintaining the most peaceful and mutually content relationships, but there comes a point where two people might have disagreements with something. Not to worry, as humans, voicing our opinions and expressing our concerns is actually a part of life we should not try to run away from or bottle up, but instead let it all out.
Surprisingly, in serious relationships a little bit of good natured emotional battling is healthy and could strengthen the feelings between you and your partner. When I say “fighting” I mean “healthy fighting”, which means expressing emotions up front, being reasonable, listening and ending it with an agreement or better understating of one another. “Unhealthy fighting”, which includes pointing fingers, insults, disrespect and verbal or physical abuse can easily destroy a once stable relationship into complete separation.
So, to help couples understand the benefits of relationship conflict and “healthy relationship fighting”, we are going to show you 3 good reasons why fighting in a relationship is actually beneficial.
All couples face a pattern in their relationship where they will inevitably argue about something, no matter what the subject is or how long it lasts. But, during these unpredictable moments, it will give both partners time for emotional reflection.
During this moment, both are able to fully express what they feel deep down. When done properly, one will listen while the other respectfully addresses their feelings. A partner might show some irritability or passion if the subject is somewhat serious. When a partner inputs volume and intensity into their communication, while at the same time maintains their composure, it shows the importance of the concerns being addressed.
Marriage and family therapist Leanne Hart, LMFT explains two types of relationships she encounters: Two equally passive partners, and one aggressive partner with a passive partner. According to Hart, a mutually passive relationship with absolutely no fighting risks becoming distant with one another.
On the other hand, a relationship with one aggressor and one passive partner also leads to the same result. The more aggressive partner is the one to show force, while the passive partner shows nothing but fear and resentment. Similar to the first couple, nothing will get solved when one doesn’t communicate with the other. In this case, two vocally aggressive and passionate partners who voice themselves are more intimate than the previous examples.
Arguing is what we do to get to a solution or compromise. We argue to solve conflicts when we do it constructively without disrespect, dismissal or unnecessary insults.
When couples argue impartially, a solution or compromise is what’s expected. When couples finally reach an agreement, they gain a bit of knowledge about each other’s needs, desires, motives and/or fears. This luckily could prevent the same argument from happening again in the future once it’s settled.
If you are experiencing a fight, disagreement, conflict or squabble within your relationship, take it with a grain of salt and face it head on. But face it with care and rationality. Don’t also try to run away from these moments we all must face at some point in our lives. These experiences are what makes us grow and understand life. It’s quite difficult to become closer when both partners are passive and emotionally reserved.
If you are experiencing a form of unhealthy fighting such as abuse or any other toxic behaviors, one of you might have to take matters elsewhere depending on the severity of it all. If you both can’t resist putting each other down emotionally or fighting for the sake of fighting, you might want to consider 2 options: counseling or separation. If you happen to be facing any kind of physical or severe emotional abuse you may have to consider finding legal help immediately. Domestic Violence and abuse should be no part of a relationship, even if it’s a complicated or rough one.