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“Our character is what is remembered”, Coltrane Lord and Parveen Panwar, Mr. Activated

Good thoughts lead to good actions, good actions lead to good habits, good habits lead to good character. Our character is what is remembered. People will forgive our honest mistakes, but if we do not cultivate our character we don’t have a strong foundation to maintain the success (in love or business) we’ve worked so […]

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Good thoughts lead to good actions, good actions lead to good habits, good habits lead to good character. Our character is what is remembered. People will forgive our honest mistakes, but if we do not cultivate our character we don’t have a strong foundation to maintain the success (in love or business) we’ve worked so hard to accomplish.


As a part of our series about “How Anyone Can Build Habits For Optimal Wellness, Performance, & Focus”, I had the pleasure of interviewing Coltrane Lord.

Coltrane Lord is a conscious intimacy and relationship expert and author of “Love Avatar” and The Kinky Vanilla Love Project. Coltrane is an advocate for radical self love and discusses what she calls “the beauty and power of your erotic and expansive soul”. Through her work she is able to educate, empower and inspire individuals to reignite the lost or forbidden parts of themselves that they may be ashamed to acknowledge or freely discuss through art and the lost practice of indigenous ritual. She has spent thousands of hours of training in spirituality, sexuality, shadow work. Having worked with hundreds of women (and a handful of men) across the globe, she employs the practice of esoteric wisdom with practical solutions, to provide an in-depth embodiment experience that is rooted in tangible, real world practices since experiencing her full spiritual awakening in 2016. A married mother of two boys, Coltrane is a leader in the divine feminine movement incorporatings the teachings of the Vedas — an ancient wisdom considered to be the source of many eastern philosophies including yoga, meditation and tantra. Coltrane received a degree in psychology at the University of California, Santa Barabara. She is a certified love coach, movement teacher, an accomplished photographer, creator of conscious intimacy techniques, and a Deepak Chopra certified Ayurvedic educator who has traveled to India with him to meet the Dalai Lama.


Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

I used to be ashamed about sharing my childhood backstory because it is one of struggle, hardship, and abuse. When I was younger, I thought my story would cast me as an outsider to my peers. Now, I understand my story, as all of our stories, are an integral part of the transformation process that takes us to the highest version of ourselves. It is the fuel that inspires us to live as our best lives. So thank you for asking.

My parents are immigrants from the Philippines who came to this country with only 500 dollars in their pocket, plus a toddler (my older sister) in tow. English was their second language. As children, my parents experienced the trauma of war and poverty. My father and his brother (abandoned by their father and abused by their mother) once had to hide in an outhouse toilet from the invading soldiers. My mother lost her mother at two years old. Her father had to travel to make ends meet, leaving my mother with the nuns until he remarried. I feel it necessary to include this perspective, as it is the backdrop to my parents’ unhealed wounds which lead to our difficult family dynamics.

As typical of the hero or heroine’s journey, my childhood was filled with fear, battles, and physical, emotional, and psychological danger (yes, there were good times too!). The PTSD my father had endured when he was younger turned into gambling, rage, criticism, drinking, abuse, and infidelity. I experienced the threat of the belt and public shaming if I cried or laughed or made noise out of line. There was once a gun to my mother’s head. He abandoned us for another family. My mother, on the other hand, was very loving, forgiving (too forgiving), and fell into victimhood as she shielded us from my father’s wrath. She tried to convince us that my father was the most loving father, it was her way of not wanting us to remember a difficult childhood. There may have been some loan shark activity too. The combination was psychological and emotional chaos, mixed with intense fear of being annihilated. This was my little kid view at least.

This unstable experience left me with the superpower of hypervigilance and knowing how to master the invisibility cloak. In order to survive, I learned to say nothing, do nothing, and be nothing. I didn’t really have a good example of masculine energy or feminine energy. We had to figure out how to do things on our own.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

My career focus is ultimately about spreading Love Wisdom, discovering our Soul’s Purpose, and attracting Soul Love. The process of embodying this Love Wisdom is taking the inward journey to heal our inner wounds and turn them into outer wisdom. This is not always a linear journey, my journey happened to come with peaks and valleys, twists and turns, a dive into the mysterious ocean and muddy swamps, then back into the glorious sunshine.

I believe everything happens for a reason, that the difficult things in our lives happen for us not to us. My path seemed to unfold before me with no rhyme or reason. I started out in advertising, then became a couture fashion designer, then a photographer before I started to stitch the purpose and the reason I was interested (and had talent in) the creative process and helping women embody their divinity. I felt as if I was always being pulled to evolve and add to my repertoire. It was seventeen years into my marriage that I experienced the very thing I was afraid of, betrayal. This betrayal shook my entire world and catapulted me into the world of healing.

What I didn’t realize up until that point, was that I never knew who I really was, I was always trying to keep things safe (childhood fear of doing anything wrong). This betrayal simply woke me up to the fact that I was not living my life at all, and it set me searching for who I was at the deepest core of my being. So, I set off to find my purpose, figure out what soul love meant, and experience a profound spiritual awakening.

Having to do the painstaking work of retrieving my own soul to become whole was not just the inspiration that led me to do what I do now, it was a calling. I believe we can only teach what we know from experience, not just from the books we read. I know a thing or two about transforming pain into purpose, turning shadow into light, and having to become love in the flesh to find soul love.

I now incorporate all my creative skills; design, photography, and writing with the practices and ancient rituals I learned through my spiritual awakening process. Love Wisdom is a spiritual path where I help merge the spiritual with the material, the superficial with deep soul, and the profound with the profane.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

It’s actually too difficult for me to pick just one person that has helped me along the way. As Ram Dass once said, “When you know how to listen, everybody is the guru.” I believe that even the smallest encounters can teach us something valuable. During the early days on my journey, I had put a variety of teachers on pedestals, because I did not want to take responsibility for my own sovereignty, only to see their humanity later on. I’ve also been mentored by some of the best spiritual leaders, including Neale Donald Walsh, Deepak Chopra, and recently Marianne Williamson. I’ll choose to share a story about Marianne Williamson for this article.

As I was finalizing my second book, Love Avatar: Unleash Your Divine Feminine Superpowers and Awaken the Goddess Within, I struggled with imposter syndrome. The tormenting questions in my mind were: Who was I to write a spiritual awakening book? Would people think I was crazy if I shared some of the profound mysteries that I had experienced? Was my voice good enough? Marianne is as humble as she is brilliant, and as connected to source as she is practical. In conversation, she would remind me to replace my ambition with inspiration, and insist that we were all equals. She read my book, and I truly felt that she resonated deeply with it. She gifted me a wonderful review of it. It was Marianne’s humility and insistence that we were equals, sisters even, on this path together. She was also concerned about my personal life. I feel like she is authentic in her generosity, and that inspired me to give up my childish ways of remaining small, to fully step into who I was meant to be, and not to care what others thought about my spiritual journey and how I choose to share it with others. I will no longer allow others to narrate my life for me.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

I feel like my entire journey was an interesting mistake! My first book, The Kinky Vanilla Love Project: The Sexy Soulful Journey from Betrayal to Bliss, is an exposé of all the mistakes I made trying to find myself and my purpose. But I will share a funny story that is not in the book. It is the story of how I met my voice coach, Roger Love.

It was at the start of my journey and I wanted to figure out how to find my authentic voice. I didn’t mean my singing voice, I meant how I would authentically express myself in the world. But I have a wild imagination, and I love the use of a good metaphor (as it is the language of the soul), so I started asking around for vocal coaches. I figured that if I could learn to sing (I cannot carry a tune), maybe I would “find my authentic voice.”

A friend of mine was a Tony Robbins volunteer, and had taken a few private voice lessons from Roger Love. She gave me his personal number and told me to drop Tony’s name. Of course Roger did not answer the first time I called, most likely because I called him on Christmas Eve frantically hoping that I could get a gift certificate for my partner because I had not yet thought of something to get him. I can’t remember what type of message I left, but it was not compelling enough to get a call back. At the time, I thought Roger was just a wannabe rock star who had to teach voice lessons instead of performing.

Two months later, I called again and said that “I was a Tony Robbins person.” That was true, I had walked on fire, I just hadn’t met him in person. I got a call back from his assistant immediately. She told me that “Roger was not taking private clients any longer, but since I was Tony’s friend, he would make an exception.” I did not correct her misinterpretation of my words.

Before I knew it, I was heading to Roger Love’s Burbank studio. It turned out that Roger is the voice coach of incredible artists like Maroon 5, Gwen Stefani, and actors/actresses who need to sing in movies like A Star is Born. In fact, Bradley Cooper had just left before one of my sessions. I was in way over my head.

The beautiful part of this story is that Roger did not kick me out. I don’t even know if he knows this story. He too is a genuinely kind professional that truly cares about the people he works with. He is a role model of how loving your clients is as important as the skills you provide.

What I also learned is the Universe gives us what we are ready for, and truly does have our backs. This was a synchrodestiny moment that helped me put together the puzzle pieces of how our life choices and serendipity can lead us to the connections that lead us to our life goals, if we are opened and willing to take the opportunities. I do not think that I will be stoned or burnt at the stake if I speak my truth. In fact, I told Roger that I was ready to start roaring like a lioness, and I am.

The road to success is hard and requires tremendous dedication. This question is obviously a big one, but what advice would you give to a young person who aspires to follow in your footsteps and emulate your success?

The most important thing for a person who is just starting on their path is to find what sets their soul on fire and take the time to know who they are, what they desire, what their soul’s deepest purpose is, and to have a servant’s heart. Be grateful. This alignment will brighten the light of their true north and focus. The synchronicities, opportunities, and the right people will come to them with grace and ease. Their path to purpose doesn’t have to be as winding or as difficult as mine.

Is there a particular book that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

I read a lot of books, but the one book that I like to have on my bedside table is Seat of the Soul by Gary Zukav. When things get crazy, as life does sometimes, it is the book that helps me stay grounded. I don’t believe that any “how to succeed” book really sinks in until we understand what our soul’s want. This book helps us reconnect to the soul.

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?

“Wherever you are, and whatever you do, be in love.” — Rumi

I teach Love Wisdom, help discover Soul Purpose, and guide those who desire to activate Soul Love. Love is the fuel that inspires me, it is the light that heals the world, it is the foundation of evolution, and it is who we are at the core. No matter what anyone does for a living or for fun, if love is not involved we remain empty.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

I am writing my third book, this time for men to understand how to handle and love a divinely awakened woman. I am also starting a course called Soul Dating to Soul Mating, where we identify our individual energetic love patterns, activate the 7 love superpowers, and learn about your personal love archetypes to help call in Soul Love.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. This will be intuitive to you but it will be helpful to spell this out directly. Can you help explain a few reasons why it is so important to create good habits? Can you share a story or give some examples?

Good thoughts lead to good actions, good actions lead to good habits, good habits lead to good character. Our character is what is remembered. People will forgive our honest mistakes, but if we do not cultivate our character we don’t have a strong foundation to maintain the success (in love or business) we’ve worked so hard to accomplish.

The Jesuit motto is “give me the child until he is seven and I will give you the man.” Biologically, our brains are sponges before the age of seven. We can learn languages and the nuances of life just by observation. The negative and positive things we learned before seven are in the subconscious and what either fuels us or inhibits us. Scientists claim that before age seven, our brains are in a Theta, or hypnotic, learning state. Later, it is harder to learn new things, so we must learn through repetition and practice. Repetition and practice becomes a habit. So it is wise to discover what is at the subconscious level of your struggles (in love or business) and practice the repetition of the opposite or more positive thought to become a good habit that serves your highest potential.

How have habits played a role in your success? Can you share some success habits that have helped you in your journey?

I have a practice of meditation that now has become a habit. I believe that meditation has played a strong role in how I accomplish what I set out to accomplish, and it helps me become empty and detached from the outcome so that I am open to the opportunities that are always there for us. Meditation takes us into the Quantum field where our intuition and our imagination can help us tap into Creative Consciousness to help solve problems in new ways, and become more inventive. And it helps relieve stress. I also created a habit of getting grounded and becoming reflective whenever I see 444 or 1111. I have seen these numbers since childhood, so now I make use of them, other than knowing they are auspicious numbers.

Speaking in general, what is the best way to develop good habits? Conversely, how can one stop bad habits?

I answered this question above with good thoughts lead to good actions, good actions lead to good habits, good habits lead to good character. So, positive thoughts are a great way to start. Adding a gratitude practice will also help in creating good habits because of the good vibe feelings associated with gratitude. It is also our feelings that help us create good habits.

To stop bad habits, you must first be aware that you have bad habits. This usually comes about by how you feel, whether it is guilt, shame, or a physical sensation after a bad habit. Then you must practice radical acceptance. Don’t shame yourself or feel guilty. See it as an opening for transformation. Then name and claim the feelings associated with why the bad habit is there in the first place. “I drink to escape the feeling of grief for the loss of a relationship,” is an example. Release the feeling through movement or free writing. Imagine the opposite habit of “no more drinking,” and what it brings, like a healthier lifestyle, adventure, freedom, then feel what it would be like to have those things. Use this positive feeling to replace the negative feelings before you surrender to the bad habit. Feeling as if what you desire is already happening helps dissolve the bad habit and start the good habits.

Let’s talk about creating good habits in three areas, Wellness, Performance, and Focus. Can you share three good habits that can lead to optimum wellness. Please share a story or example for each.

As I mentioned earlier…meditation, meditation, meditation. It really is that valuable of a habit. When we meditate, we are empty of the monkey mind and have additional capacity to be more present.

In terms of wellness, when we are present we know what our bodies need, like nourishing foods and sleep. You can also make it a habit to go to bed around 10:30pm, put the phone away at least two hours before bedtime, wake up before dawn and meditate.

Performance meditation has to do with visualization and activating the mirror neurons to reach peak level performance. Body memory and positive feelings are the tools for peak performance. When we embody this moving meditation, we perform like Steph Curry at the three-point line.

For focus, a meditation practice helps us stay centered on the task at hand. Your brain is conditioned to focus when it is necessary as it has experienced the relaxed moment in the space of infinite possibilities, instead of using the 25% of your body’s energy for brain activity. It is also great to recapitulate your day before bedtime so that your mind is not wandering in order to complete unfinished business in your sleep.

As a leader, you likely experience times when you are in a state of Flow. Flow has been described as a pleasurable mental state that occurs when you do something that you are skilled at, that is challenging, and that is meaningful. Can you share some ideas from your experience about how we can achieve a state of Flow more often in our lives?

Embodiment practice is important to creating a sense of flow. This comes from focused repetition and also that meditative state I mentioned earlier. Pushing your skill set just a little beyond your abilities helps you stretch into this flow state. Enjoy the process and allow your critical mind to leave you, while the intelligence of your body takes over.

Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

I’m here to spread love like a virus, to awaken humanity to a higher consciousness, to help usher in the Age of Aquarius where all people are valued and equal and the earth is revered as our life affirming hostess that we do not take for granted, to help people fall in love again, to become love in the flesh. For me, it is all about love.

Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them 🙂

Oprah. She has touched the lives of so many in such positive ways. She is bold and fearless, soulful and wise. I would just like to thank her for her contribution to the world.

How can our readers further follow your work online?

I’d love to be friends with your readers! You can follow me on Social Media @lordcoltrane, email me at [email protected], or come visit my website at www.lordcoltrane.com

Thank you for these really excellent insights, and we greatly appreciate the time you spent with this. We wish you continued success.

Thank you. It was a pleasure to share with you.

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