Single parents have so much to do that they also want some fun and companionship, but online dating gets them down. Here are hints to make it work for you.
Single parents are often harried, stressed, working hard as a devoted parent and often working full time outside the home as well. They seek companionship and some fun time to lower their stress levels and improve their well-being. But when they go on line to meet some one they are often hurt by feelings of rejection or just the chronic feeling of helplessness about finding someone that’s a good match. Help is on the way if you just change your point of view
12 Tips for Making On Line Dating Successful
1. Assume the point of view that on line dating takes a lot of time. If you face that you won’t feel so disillusioned quickly but know that’s the norm. There’s not only setting up an appealing profile but reading through many responses that don’t meet your wishes. Expect that instead of being disappointed by it.
2. Write your profile in a way that says you’re open to new people. Let the reader intuit that you are open and reasonably flexible to meeting novel personalities.
3. Send a fairly recent picture that puts you in a good but not provocative or seductive light. This wards off sending a message that you’re only looking for a sexual encounter instead of a relationship (if that’s the case).
4. Share your interests but also imply you are open to new experiences. If you are flexible in learning about new ideas and other people’s ways of having fun, you will get more responses.
5. Don’t feel you have to meet everyone who wants to meet you. Use discretion, so you don’t have many dates that leave you feeling disappointed and wanting to give up.
6. Meet in a public place so you can leave if you realize you’ve made a mistake. Politely excuse yourself and say that you need to go with apologies. Don’t suffer through a long meeting that is going no where or getting you down.
7. On the other hand give your date a chance. He or she may not meet your visual expectations based on their picture, but they may be pleasant, interesting, and even desirable once you get to know them a bit.
8. In other words, try not to make fast decisions pro or con. Take your time. There’s no rush.
9. Try to remember you have a lot to offer. Don’t let your self-esteem rise and fall with each profile or date. Hold on to a positive sense of self. It’s not only essential for your well-being, but people like to meet an up beat person.
10. Consider that each person you meet may not turn into a romantic partner but maybe a new friend. Companionship is very important and worth your while. New friends to spend time with can raise your self-esteem even if it’s not a soul mate or dating partner per se.
11. Consider each date a part of networking. Maybe this person isn’t right for a long term romantic relationship but he or she know someone who might be right for you.
12. If your kids are teens, it’s ok to let them know you are trying to make new friendships. So they don’t question you endlessly let them know this is private and if there’s something important to tell them, you will, but for now it’s just about making new friends.
What’s most essential is that you maintain a positive sense of self. Your self image is worth everything to your life view. Give your self a break — several breaks — when things don’t go your way. Just chalk up a lousy date as part of online dating and try again after a while. If you are getting too disillusioned just ask your friends to help you network to meet someone and skip the on line stuff for a while until it feels like fun again. This point of view will keep you energized and hopeful.
Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. is a psychoanalyst and author of Unlocking Parental Intelligence: Finding Meaning in Your Child’s Behavior found on Amazon,Barnes and Noble, Familius and wherever books are sold. Visit her website for more tips on human relations, socializing, and positive self-esteem: http://lauriehollmanphd.com.
Originally published at medium.com