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100 Moms – Patience

Alone time and melt-downs are part of the process.

Kathy, “Did I say the word patience? Dig deeper than a coal mine you are going to be a better Mom for it, and raise a better child.  Quietly pull your hair out, alone, while no one is watching.” Tip 2

Kathy was a Mom topping my list, as soon as I had the idea to write this book.  She is a warrior on every level.

I remember Kathy as a little girl.  She was pretty, smart, and fun.  Everybody liked her.  The boys liked her, the girls, and even the teachers.  I can’t blame any of them!  In elementary school, Kathy stood out!

Roll the clock ahead, and ahead, and ahead some more, Kathy is still memorable!  From what I can see, she is as sweet, kind, as beautiful as ever.  I’m so happy to have reconnected with her.

Kathy did put up a humble and epic battle in providing her perspective.  Happily, she pushed through her self-doubt and came up with a few tips that worked. Kathy is raising a son with autism and hemophilia A, and a younger son without any complications. Kathy’s unique perspective was one I could feel the world urging to hear.

Upon reconnecting, Kathy and I immediately provided updates and quickly became friends again. She was a strong support to me following Michael’s injury, and throughout his rehabilitation.  As they say, “For those who understand, no explanation is needed. For those who don’t, no explanation will do.” Kathy understood.

She was intimately familiar with fear, sadness, confusion, and with patience. Kathy knew what it felt like to be unable to protect, to fix, and to provide answers to our children – all the things us Moms pride ourselves in doing. Kathy knew about loneliness.

Kathy had the experience, and had developed the skills, in coping with and accepting disability. Kathy knew the depth of it all. She had dug in the mine. Her love, empathy, and compassion was palpable. I knew, she knew, and that bonded us together. It was as though our friendship had never left.

She knew the value of patience, and the necessity of the “dig.” I too have dug, dug deep, and some days find myself digging still.  I couldn’t agree more, the “dig” will make you a better Mom, and help to raise a happier kid.  Patience is a great gift to give!

The deepest dig brought me to what I’ve referred to as my “Meryl-Streep-Mother-Mode.”  Sometimes I just had to fake it.  I dug deep and brought what I call, an “Oscar winning performance.” It has always been worth the dig.

As Kathy has shared, alone time and melt-downs are part of the process. I share that belief as well. I too feel it’s important to hair pull, cry, scream and even crumble. I’ve learned there is some disagreement among Moms as to where, and how, this should happen.

Some Moms feel it’s good for kids to see our emotions. I guess that depends on the emotion and the depth of it. In my case, I think these emotions were best shared with adults, and sometimes even alone.

It has always been my belief, Michael should not be concerned with my negative emotions or thoughts. Seeing my fears would be of no service to him.

I did my best to uphold positivity and normalcy at all times. I wanted his childhood to be a childhood, and his recovery to be about his recovery. I did not want to make his life about mine.

Thankfully the strength of my “tribe” gave me a safe place to feel, and to be. Kathy was a senior member of that tribe.  She continues to be an inspiration with every word and every image she shares. She is a gold nugget.

Kathy’s spirit is a guiding light, for me and, for her family. She has uplifted, and strengthened, my life in sharing her own.

Thanks for believing in us!

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