A few years ago, in my work place, I noticed a shining star. It was as if she had a light around her, it could be attributed to her big bright smile. She was always so happy to see me, making me feel a little extra special.
Around this time, Michael had disclosed to me one of his ‘methods of operating.’ He stated, “When I go into a room, I just look for the awesome people, I sit with them. If they don’t want to talk or aren’t happy about it, I just realize they must not be awesome.” I just loved this! I adopted the philosophy!
Because of my new-found philosophy, I became friends with this “shining star.” When she was in the room, I sat by her. I came to believe she was the awesomeness in the room. Of course I just had to ask her Mom, Marilyn, how she raised such an impressive woman.
I related to many of Marilyn’s tips; however, it was her one dislike of parenting that proved to be one of our largest commonalities: fear of failure. I’m confident Marilyn’s 10 tips prevented any failure, but removing fear is another story.
Marilyn, “Don’t always worry if they are going to like you!” Tip #2
I really appreciate Marilyn sharing her tips. Although we have never met, it’s interesting our kids have so much in common. Raised as only children, they are both social, charming, kind, and engaging. They are highly productive members of society, and are super cute!
Marilyn noted her favorite thing about parenting was “always having somebody to love.” Her dislike about parenting was “fear of failure.” Similarly, both were pillars for me in my parenting practices.
Marilyn’s dislike ties into her second tip cautioning, “Don’t always worry if they are going to like you.” If you attempt to not upset you child, and seek to always gain their approval, things could get messy. Your child’s disapproval should not be interpreted as failure, and should not be feared.
In my parenting, and in other areas, fear was ever present. At times I feel it was the fear serving as a driving force in diligent parenting practices. I was so afraid of being a parenting failure, I excelled. Michael’s approval was not too often a determining factor, although his well-being guided all choices.
The pay-out for an attentive, loving, and engaged Mom is indescribable. It is worth all the fears, insecurities, mishaps, heart break, uncertainty, and disapproval that pours over us. Happy kids are amazing, and happy adults are all too hard to find!
In my case, fear of failure was a strong motivator for me. Maybe not the ideal motivation, but at least it pushed me in the right direction.
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Next week, Rita on empty threats.